Struggling with CPTSD
TW.
I never know where to post these because my many traumatic experiences can be placed under childhood abuse, sexual assault, workplace harassment, grief .....I feel like my list is so long. I am struggling unbelievably lately. Just when I thought I kind of have a grasp on myself I lose it .
I feel like I want to run down the street screaming . I'd like to numb myself because the pain of my past weighs a ton on me. I feel so alone .
I only have my therapist to talk to about my trauma. I can't share my stuff it's to difficult for friends and family to listen to. Plus I don't trust anyone, so many people have done horrible things to me including my so called parents. How am I supposed to connect to another human emotionally. I've tried I can't do it. I have gone through many decades of my life disconnected and traumatically alone. Some days I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm sick with aloneness( different from lonely). I have people but I'm not connected ....makes sense?
I am at point where I am unable to work because of my PTSD ...I worked for decades sometimes 2 jobs. Ya I was running from the pain locked inside me.
Now I feel myself grieving for my lost life /lost opportunities/ lost relationship opportunities/ lost connections.....I'm not young anymore, it's soo much more difficult to overcome all I've been through as an older person. I feel so unbelievably sad. I can't stand this pain.
I've been praying but maybe I've just broken too many of God's rules....
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Hi Blackberry
Yes your words make sense to me. It is so understandable you feeling these things, having experienced all that abuse and trauma. Grieving is hard, and you have a lot to grieve, including connections and relationships. It often feels like a permanent state, understandable, especially if that is all you have know. But you sound very self-aware and are in therapy, and it is very possible that you can journey through and out of the worst of this and there will be fresh opportunities and connections ahead of you. I know that can be really hard to see, and it is good you are taking this time to pray and do therapy and heal. It took years for the trauma to occur, it can take a while to heal and grieve also. 💛
@amiableBlackberry92,, I just joined 7 cups. You are the first post that I read as I searched ptsd. I understand & get it. I have PTSD myself. The symptoms are actually getting worse as I get older. We are more resilent as children but as we get older life wears us down. The Covid has made it even worse, more isolation & less social interaction. I struggle with people who don't really understand. It is an invisible illness.
Thank you, I'm glad my post resonates. Welcome to 7cups. Sometimes this is the only place I can feel safe with other people.
Your correct COVID isn't helping my condition.
This is an invisible condition and when people find out I have CPTSD they look at me different like I'm crazy or damaged. The only ones who get it are people here with PTSD and therapist.
Thx for sharing and posting @Sage4cLf .
I hope this forum helps you too.
ABB 💜