This week I’ve been thinking abt this a lot

When I was very young my mom very suddenly found out my dad was on drugs and kicked him out. I haven’t seen him since but he never ever tried to contact me. I don’t know if I’d want to talk to him but it would’ve been nice for him to try to contact me because it would’ve meant that he cared. He has a new child now and it’s confusing. I cant understand how someone can just leave an old family (especially a child) and never try to contact them again. I wonder if he ever thinks about me or if his family even knows who I am. On the other hand, his parents aka my grandparents sued my mom and made me see them every other weekend until I was 8 ish. I didn’t wanna see them but I had to and they would try to bribe me with toys or show me stuff on their phone but I wasn’t interested and I had a million different things being told to me at the same time. We would go to Barnes and nobles and I would just sit in the corner and read my book. I remember once I had to go to the bathroom and my stepdad (who would take me to these visits-super awkward) would not let them take me because he was scared they were going to try to run off with me? The whole thing is very confusing and idk if I have ptsd or if it was traumatic but I think about it daily. Last week I had a really weird nightmare and my biological dad was in it. I was with a family friend and we drove to this playground and then our car got stuck in sand and my biological dad started running towards me and he was trying to say something and then my family friend made us leave before I could hear what he was saying. I woke up feeling so weird and off. Anyways if anyone can relate or has any tips please comment or reply <3