Trauma response or something else?? Help!
Is lying to someone sometimes a trauma response? I had a series of toxic bad relationships and this specific topic would always result in mental AND physical abuse so I found myself lying to avoid a outbursts in the past and now I’m in a healthy amazing relationship and I was asked a question about it and without even realizing it I immediately lied and there’s no reason too, I can trust him 100% and tell him anything and I KNOW that. I corrected myself shortly after witch ended up creating a issue as he feels I don’t trust him to tell him and lied to him instead. I tried to look it up and see if its a trauma response and what I can do to stop it but can’t find anything on it. I didn’t intend to lie to him at all and this is the first time it’s happened. It was a response without even thinking about it and realized right away and corrected it but that was worse so I would like to just not do it at all but I don’t know what to do because I don’t even know why I do it? Like IS it a trauma response or is it something else? Am I subconsciously just trying to give myself a reason for my actions by thinking it may be a trauma response? Or am I just a crappy partner that is selfish? Please help me so I can correct myself regardless of why I do it. I don’t ever want to make him feel like that again.
In my opinion it is a trauma response. I grew up with a narcissistic father who would berate me at every chance he could get which ended up in me lying my ass off every chance i could get, most of the time to avoid an outburst and sometimes just because i hated him. After i left home and started having some serious relationships i realized that i was also lying, even about small things just because in my mind, it wasn’t worth the fight. But it didn’t occur to me that if i didn’t lie about it there still probably wouldn’t be a fight. Luckily the only time i really got in trouble in my adult life with lying was while i was in a manic episode due to bp1 but since then I’ve tried very hard to make it a point to take a second and think about my responses and my feelings before answering as honestly as i can. Not to say there aren’t mess ups here and there but after a few years it does get a little easier. That’s just my experience though and who knows maybe we’re both just a holes 😆
@peachTalker3416 I also thik is a tauma response. But to be honest, even if you did it without controling it, you realised and reacted on time, you trusted him enough to explain what did happen to you, so I really don't see where the problem is.
My partner, for instance, feels sad for me every time I get a trauma response, but he accepts it and work with me on it. In my humble opinion, what you need is support.