Unsure if I had PTSD until Abuser Came Back

I left him four years ago and now he’s back in my life and we are talking. He claimed AA and CBT and that he was different, but I don’t think even if he was different things could change between him and I. First off I don’t think he has changed, I have seen red flags all over his behavior. Secondly, I am imagining attending concerts with him or seeing him alone if I ever do and he always murders me.

It has been getting increasingly worse the longer he and I are in contact. I don’t know what to do or what to say to him to end our contact. How much information is too much and how much is too little to make him understand the severity. Nor do I think I can tell him on my own like over a phone call. It may need to be a letter.

Overall despite my insane support network I feel very alone because my thoughts are so dark. And I don’t want to share them with anyone.

Steps I am taking;

he is completely muted on my cell, and that has helped a lot. I am not currently messaging him.

I have attempted to get a psychologist but my attempts haven’t gotten me anything yet. Nine voicemails within my network so fingers crossed.

I am in a group of women who meet multiple times a week to discuss what’s happening with their abuser and how they are leaving and handling their emotions and affairs. While I cannot go into graphic detail there, this has been tremendously helpful to me for feeling like I am an individual and helped keep me strong when he and I talk!! (I asked for my money back and I got it sent to me this weekend!)

I am on 7cups and I have two good listeners but am afraid to bring my worsening ptsd up.