I'm 34 I can't even drive
Hi I'm Lady kush I'm a trauma survivor . Life has been horrible lately I'm at my literal bottom . Never been so depressed in my life. Due to trauma Everything is falling apart around me. Just wanna give up sometimes. Just wanna feel loved and not feel so stuck alone and abandoned. I can't even drive .my anxiety is so bad I never really could . I feel like a dysfunctional flawed person. I just wanna be a normal person sorry for venting .
Lady, I'm 26 but I'll tell you right now I'm going to be a 34 years old woman who can't drive, and you know what? I'll also be a 50 y/o woman who can't drive. Those car things ar freaking dangerous for anyone and I don't trust myself around one. I also have ADHD. Nope. It's not going to happen.
I heard it's common for trauma survivors not to trust themselves with driving. It doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes I seriously ask myself how the world could allow something so dangerous as driving to become so essential and expected from everyone. It's a nightmare basically.
Anyhow, I feel a lot broken sometimes and like I've been robbed of my natural normal development, of my normal life. You know how many opportunities I dumped because of trauma? Just some examples: getting a degree, publishing a book, I even got a serious offer for becoming a journalist for one of the most famous newspapers in my country and I was what? Barely 20? AND I DUMPED IT!!! Because I didn't feel good enough, I didn't even try! Because of trauma. And now I'm unemployed. And not even trying to get a job because I'm 200% positive I wouldn't be good enough for the job and that employers SHOULDN'T pick me so why the h*** applying? And all thanks to trauma. Yeah I do feel broken when I meet old schoolmates and they tell me about their job, the house they rented or bought, their vacations, their lives going on and I'm...stuck, at least it feels like it. My biggest achievements right now are keeping myself and my house clean and trying to get to the end of the week without some trigger seriously screwing up my efforts to maintain some decency. And the old schoolmates will never know how hard it is, how different it is.
But that's why I can't compare myself to them.
My story is different and just a couple years ago I couldn't even fancy going one entire week without triggers. I was just trying to reach the end of the day. And there definitely wasn't enough room in my head for house chores. I'm not working on the same thing they are working on, but I'm making a lot of progress in my field, they wouldn't even know where to start in my shoes. So I'm keeping up with my work, I'm too busy to care for what the others are doing. Unless they need help. In that case, I'm a master survivalist in crappy situations, I can definitely lend a hand
