After the Silence

I grew up in abuse right from the get go, I was adopted as a baby and believe I may have been abused then because my earliest memories are of trauma, having to defend myself from my older brothers and mother, I also remember being molested by my mother's brother at nights. I wish I'd tried to stop it, at first I was uncomfortable but my family has always made me uncomfortable and I was never able to do anything about it. I was never taught, don't let people hurt you, don't let people touch you and so on. NEVER. After all I was living in a home where the people that were to protect me were hurting me, for each situation my dad pretended to know nothing. As an adult I don't have any sort of relationship, I don't make friends, no one in my family talks to me and they tell people I would always attack them or try to kill them. When I was 18 going 19 I met my first "boyfriend" that forced me to have sex eventhough I told him I didn't want to, he said he did it because he didn't believe me...I no longer try to have relationships but I want so kind of relief and outlet.

Thank you all for such warmth and kindness on this sensitive topic. ♡

I didnt even realize that things that happened to me were wrong until I was 16, and then in college I am learning more about things that have happened being wrong. The first post was beautiful.

Has anyone spoken to anyone in person about this type of trauma? I've never told anyone, just posted anonymously to websites but not a significant amount of relief/help. How better to cope with this?

I do believe in talking at my mountains. It's the only way I know how to heal. Of course every personality type is different, and received with different familial dynamics. My heart goes out to those of you who were not well received with such tragedies of the heart.

Hi.

I dunno really how to start this post cause it's stuff I've never told anyone, mostly because I'd blocked it out until this last month. So yeah, I'm 23, and recently started to remember some things that happened to me.

About a month ago, my best friend was raped at an event we were both staffing. Her attacker locked her in the room, and by the time we got it open, we couldn't do anything. I had a master key and I went for a lie down because of a headache and I didn't leave that key with anyone else, and I feel terrible for it.

At first I thought that was why I was having trouble trying to support her, or why I felt the need to avoid the situation, but then at one of my own routine behavioural therapy appointments, I was telling my therapist about what happened to her, and memories just started flooding back to me. I didn't tell him as it was happening, because it just fills me with a mixture of horror and a need to avoid the memories.

Basically, I remembered that as a child, from about age 7 up until I was about 11 judging from what I now remember, I was raped by my older brother, and inappropriately touched by my sister. And I'm so scared, because I remember that I knew all this before, it was just gradually removed from my memory until this situation brought it all back. I've been having flashbacks to doing things to avoid my brother and trying not to be alone for too long and it not working, or waking up in the middle of the night with my sister there and pretending to be asleep while she did what she did. Both my brother and my sister are still in my life; I have no idea if they remember this, or how things like this get kept quiet, how I managed to put it out of my mind and react to them like normal siblings would. I can't tell my parents because I know for a fact they won't believe me. I don't know how to bring it up with my behavioural therapist, or if I should, or who else I should talk to.

I would usually speak to my best friend, but she obviously needs help more than she needs to help others at this point, and I already feel terrible for being partly responsible for her attacker being able to lock her in that room. And now I feel even more terrible because my "flashbacks" so to speak are causing me to distance myself from her.

I just feel so guilty and confused. My skin has been crawling since I remembered, but I feel like it was so long ago, I should be okay, I should be looking after my friend. I know I should probably talk to someone about it, but I barely want to acknowledge to myself that it happened. I have used up every excuse in the book to avoid seeing my brother or my sister for the last few weeks.

I'm used to handling things on my own but I really just felt like I needed to get that off my chest to people who won't judge and who might understand.

I was sexually abused by a family friend from the middle of 5 th grade to the end of the seventh grade. I learned thay I can't change the things in the past. I haent told anyone not my parents, my friends, or the authorities.

It is weird to just have a memory that I don't even know if it is true or not. Like I feel like he touched me or did something but it was so long ago I don't even know if my memory is reliable and it is killing me

Also, I wanted you all to know I started a thread in the Sexual Assault Community regarding the silence that surrounds this ever important issue. Please take the time to visit and leave your thoughts if you are looking for additional support.

All my love.

https://www.7cups.com/forum/SexualAssaultSupport_96/DontBeSilent_545/ExploringtheDynamicsofFear_27649/

Hey. Just found this forum and I thought I could write a bit about my experience.

I was young when it happened, no older than 14. It was on a beach I went with my family, and we attended a beach party. It was fun, until I noticed they were all gone, they left without me. I tried to find them, without results.

I decided to stay at the party, so if they came back, they would not have to search for me.

Then a older guy approached me. He must have been around 30, and I remember he was handsome. I don't know why, but I followed him - until I realised we were nearest to the forest than the party.

I wish I could say it happened fast. But that's not how it happened.

For the sake of the 0.5 people that will read this, I will not be explicit, but I do remember everything, from the clay in my mouth and under my nails, to his hands and his voice, so soft, so sweet.

My parents never came for me.

I showered for a good hour or two, washing myself up in the crappy beach showers. I never cried. How could I? It was my fault after all. That's the only feeling I was getting.

I only told one handful of people this story, and only bits and pieces.

I just post this here because I'm not feeling to high right now, and that maybe someone will read that and be more careful that I was.