Am I too... Much?

Hello,

When I was 5 this kid same age as me had been bullying me, as almost everyone, for being weird, being able to read, write, and even count. But then he had taken interest in me. I was given a chance I couldn't miss. I became his gf in exchange for protection. Though, there was a price. He molested me. If this would have been going for longer than almost four years it had, I might have gotten assaulted sooner.

After I gained much needed intelligence clearly stating this is supposed to be taboo, I said no.

Bullying started again, worse than before, but worth it. I changed school twice. I got to the high school for very intelligent people, and at that point, I wasn't trying my best anymore, for the bullying completely hushed my heart.

I was asked out by a guy, at 15. He was nice. I didn't deserve him. I ended up with someone else. With my classmate. He behaved like I was rotten, like noone can love me. Like I need him. I believed that. It took me this time only half a year to realize it's not okay, only to not really realize my soul was not in my body anymore. I don't remember much after that. I remember my next bf slept with me, only to realize I am interesting and actually started going out with me. I believed, at that time, than I am only worth my body.

Four years later. I was diagnosed schizophreniac, with my memories to those two being back. Mum only asked if I want to bring charges. I said no, too scared. Now... It's haunting me. What to do...