Another perspective required
Hello, I am a csa survivor and have regularly had questionable relationships with men as an adult, possibly as a result.
I have now come to the stage where I am not really sure what to think anymore with regards to what men think is acceptable behaviour. I realise what I will describe isn't as serious as rape but after two upsetting experiences with men I dated in the last year (and others when I was younger), I am confused if my behaviour contributes to attracting men who take advantage or if my previous experience of abuse makes me even more sensitive to (perceived?) mistreatment. Maybe I even misinterpret what's happened as a big deal because of my past. For example, in the most recent experience I decided to go ahead with sleeping with a man I was dating even though I felt it was a bit soon and there was an air of pressure/expectation. He said there wasn't but I felt there was. After the earlier experience, I wanted to take my time. However, I liked him otherwise and we slept together. We agreed to use condoms and I wouldn't have slept with him if we hadn't. The next morning, we were kissing and he rolled on top of me and put his unprotected penis inside me and proceeded as you do, no questions asked. I pushed him off. He acted surprised, then asked if I was upset about him taking liberties. I couldn't even say anything so I rolled over and 'went to sleep'. The next morning it was like nothing had happened as far as conversation went, but I was just covering to make things easy to get out and get home. I broke it off a short while after without seeing him again. Am I being over-sensitive? I often can't get these experiences out of my mind.
@politeMoon5863
When he started to have unprotected sex with you, he was definitely taking liberties as he put it. It was also disrespectful and in my opinion, dangerous. You did not consent to unprotected sex, so I completely understand your feelings. You definitely weren't too sensitive, in my opinion. A man should always have your consent before engaging in any sexual activity with you.
@TrueArrow Thank you
@politeMoon5863
Hey Polie Moon. I relate to you. In more ways than one. I was abused and even assalted.
When somebody loves you, they will repect your wishes and will accept denial if you don't feel right or if it feels too soon or pressured.
Unprotected sex is quite dangerous and scary even, But if you continue to protect yourself by doing what you did, rooling away and pushing off, you protected yourself naturally.
I belive in you. Thanks for sharing with us. We are here to help you through this weird thing called Life.
@neonCherry5058 Thank you. Sadly I am giving up on dating. The last few years have mainly been fielding these types of men and experiences and yes, it does feel dangerous and scary and not at all worth it.
