Ashamed
I recently broke up and started getting memories back in a different light. With him everything was my fault even him cheating. The first time we had sex (my first time) I was drunk but went anyway, I told him no because he was hurting me but he didn’t stop. I cried the whole time. I latter felt bad because I thought I had done something wrong and he made me feel horrible. That relationship lasted 3 years. I’m not going to report it because no one would believe me but I really needed to talk about it. I don’t know if I was raped because I stayed and I’m truly ashamed.
@optimisticCamp2887
I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to have been in such a hurtful relationship for 3 years. It sounds like your partner was quite manipulative and made you feel like everything was your fault. *offers hugs and strength*
Sex in which one party is too drunk to consent is not considered consensual sex. I don't know enough about what happened, so it's for you to decide. If you said no, or expressed any form of hesitation, and he kept going, then it is considered rape.
Don't ever put yourself down by thinking, "it's his word over mine". What you went through matters, and your say in it matters too. Choosing to report or not is entirely your choice but always remember, you don't have to live in the shadow of what he did.
Often, we remain in hurtful or one-sided relationships simply because we feel that we deserve it. I just want you to know that you didn't deserve it and you're not alone in how you feel.
If you want to talk more about it, feel free to put out a general request or message a listener from the browse listeners page! Participating in the forums may help you connect with others who have had similar experiences.
Take care of yourself~♥ Sierra
