Broken.
It’s been years. I close my eyes and a snapshot flashes, a memory, the sensory overload. I ignore it. Burry it as deep down as a can possibly push it. I fill my mind with distractions. I don’t want to remember. I want it out of my head. Time goes by, things seem fine. Then it starts again, only the memories begin to flood my mind while my eyes are open. Tears can only be held back so long before the flood gates brake. I hold in my emotions. I go numb. Things seem better. I disappear. I’m sitting on the couch starting at the tv. I’m oblivious to the world around me. Then suddenly I’m ripped back into reality and I brake. Hysterical, uncontrollable, weeping. I feel my soul shatter. And then I cycle back into pretending I am okay. I cannot function anymore.
TW.....Dear cake, I'm soooo sorry your suffering so much. I totally get it. I denied my severe childhood abuse for decades until I was assaulted 3 years ago. The floodgates opened and I haven't stopped hysterically crying yet. I couldn't fake it anymore I had to get help I lost my job and I knew I would literally die if I didn't do something. I started therapy and medication. I journal alot and 7 cups has helped me feel not so alone. I understand that soul shattered feeling and it hurts more than any broken bone could. I'm so sorry, I'm praying for you. I hope this helps you. You/ we deserve happiness in this one life we have. ABB
