Can someone explain this is words a 13 year old can understand please
Hi,
I have been thinking about what to write here and I am really sorry if this has been said before or my questions don't make sense. It is just I don't want to read the other posts in case they upset me, sorry but I will soon I hope. My daddy hit me when he was angry mostly times it was every week sometimes more and he did the sexual assault thing as well since I was 7 or 6, I am not sure. I was wondering if people could answer some of the questions which mommy and the doctor won't tell me in words that I know. I never cared about being hit but the doctor I see on mondays, wednesday and friday said it was abuse. Still it just hurt and in a way it was kind of my fault. Well I keep being told it was not my fault but it feels like it is. Everything is confusing and that is frustrating (I think that is the right word).
Why do I keep forgetting things and then when I sleep they come back or when I am awake they come back really fast?
Why is 'rape' bad?
When the rape thing was happening why was I not there? I mean I went some where in my head.
Why do I have to see a doctor when it is normal to me?
I kind of get that I have to take medince because I am told to and it helps me not be scared but why does it make me feel weird?
I told a week ago but was that bad of me to tell because I did not mind being hit or the other thing?
I think that is all the questions, adults are really bad at explaining things or they use words that I don't understand. English is my second language but I think they use words that I don't understand so I don't get what they are saying. Mommy is getting some books she said she would read them with me one is called "Please Tell: A Child's Story About Sexual Abuse" but it has not come yet. I just wish people would explain things so I could understand what they mean.
Thank you
Emily (Ami)
I am sorry to hear that these things have happened to you!
Being that you're so young, I don't feel that I should be giving you a lot of advice. But everything you are feeling and thinking goes hand in hand with sexual assault. I definitely feel that you would benefit over seeing a therapist/someone to talk to. Just remember, you didn't do anything wrong! You did right by talking about it as well! I wish you the most of luck and a lot of love.
@spasticrabbit I know what you are saying which I respect and please don't think that I am being rude but adults keep saying that I should not know things. But if people don't tell me thing then how do I know what there are about or how it fits with what happened? I do see a psychologist and mommy is one of those as well, I just wish adults would tell me things so I could work them out. Sorry I know that sounds nasty, it is just frustrating. You said everything goes hand in hand with sexual assault but I don't know what you mean by that. I know what sexual assault is because that was explained to me just the rest I don't understand. This is going to sound really really bad but when people say I am sorry for what happened to you why would they be sorry? They did not do anything. I understand both Gibson's theory of direct perception and Gregory's constructivists theory and I can compare the two while spotting how they can be seen to work together. As I read about it and then the parts I did not understand were explain to me. I just want to do that same with this but adults keep saying no. Gregory (1966) said that in order to understand of our perception we need to build and make sense of imcomplete information that we already have. I just don't have enough incomplete information to make sense of what is going on. Yes I know I am 13 but I am not 7. I can read books from memory and I can understand, I just need help when something is difficult.
I know that sounds really really nasty, rude and bad. I am sorry it just frustrating and I am tired and maybe grumpy (quite grumpy). I am sorry if that comes across angry or rude I did not mean it like that at all. I don't want to upset you at all. I know I am scared a lot but sometimes being scared can lead to knowing more and understanding it so you are not scared. If you don't understand something then you should find as much as you can about that thing because often it is not it is not scary once you know more about it. Ok I get scared but like fear it has one goal, to end.
I think you can tell that I have had a lot of sleep and my mind won't be stop talking. Again I don't mean to be rude or upset you. I am frustrated in general and I don't understand a lot of things at the moment. I just want them in order. Sometimes my spanish side comes out really strong and that is a bad thing.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I need to scream into a pillow
I am sorry for being nasty. Please consider it a childish out brust.
*hugs*
@spasticrabbit Sorry that came out wrong and really nasty. I am really sorry and I hope you can forgive me.
I am really sorry
Hello @AmalieAnne, hello Ami,
To me your questions make A LOT of sense. From what I understood, you wrote us here because you are trying with all your energy to make sense of what has happened to you and to understand why you are now going through what you are going through. You would like us to give you some explanations and you would like us to use words that a 13 year old could understand. Did I understand well?
I am not a psychotherapist (although I hope I will be one day), and I am an adult. I will do my best to give you my way of understanding things from your post but, please and first of all, be aware that some of these things I will say might not fit you, ok? Also, I would so much like to avoid hurting you in any way, therefore only keep what you feel is useful for you and put the rest aside.
You said that your dad hit you, and it seems he did it quite often. The doctor said it was abuse and you felt hurt that he said so. I agree with your doctor, to me it was physical abuse. Why? The answer is very simple actually: if anyone physically hits someone else willingly and if it is not to defend himself or herself from a physical aggression, that IS physical abuse. Therefore it can't be the fault of the one who has been hit, EVEN if she had shouted or been angry or whatever. Does that make sense?
Now, you wrote that although you had been told that it was not your fault that your dad hit you, you feel like it was kind of your fault. What is to be "kind of" your fault? Could it mean that inside yourself, you KNOW that it was not your fault, but still you prefer it to be your fault? For example, could you choose that it was your fault because at least that way you would feel like it is normal that you were punished by being hit? If it was not your fault, to be hit would make no sense and that would be so much more confusing, maybe. Does that make sense in any way for you?
As that is already a lot, I will stop there. About the sexual assaults (rape), maybe we can keep the subject for later? Anyway, if you have any question, I will gladly answer you the best way I can, although it might take quite a while as I am very busy.
I wish you the very best on your healing path, Ami. I feel that you are very bright and courageous, and that you actually will sort out all these horrible feelings step by step. You already wrote us the way you did, and according to me that is a huge and wonderful first step!
Please take great and gentle care,
Gilles
@Gilles
Hello,
It does make sense about the hitting, it a werid way I kind of miss it. Not that I like being hit it was just, I am not sure I just miss daddy. I understand what you are saying though yes it does just make more sense if it was my fault. In a way then I can control it or could control it. I sometimes have everything sorted in my head and then it gets more mixed up again. Thank you for your reply
Amalie
