Did my boyfriend rape/ sexually assault me on accident?
Im seventeen and my boyfriend is eighteen. We've been together for eight months and are/were virgins. We have done sexual things but had never gone all the way. The other day we were home alone and started making out. (Going into detail because I'm just trying to understand how everything escalated) a little bit later he was completely naked and I was in my bra and panties which we have done before and he knows I'm fine with. We have discussed our limits before and he knew I wasn't ready from previous discussions when I voiced that out. He then put his tip inside and I didn't mind. I didn't feel violated. But then he started pushing more and pushing forward I started to enjoy it less and tried wiggling away to put a little more room but I was confused because I do in fact love him very much. I have never met a sweeter guy. He took my bra off and later turned me onto my knees and forearms were he was almost all the way in me. I was confused I didn't feel good any more. I felt dirty and like it was just for him but at the same time I was afraid to end it. He then turned me back over and asked "should I put on a condom." My mind was going crazy and I couldn't take it anymore. I burst out crying saying "I'm not ready" and "I'm sorry." I've never cried like that before. He kept apologizing too, handed me my clothes and teared up a bit. I know he didn't mean to hurt me but it did. It's been a few days and he hasn't brought it up but I wish he would ask. What can I do? How should I feel?
I feel like since you guys love each other so much, talk about EVERYTHING. How it made you feel and where to go on from now. Go back and talk about boundaries again and I would say he didn't rape you, but make sure YOU & HIM both know what YOU think is too much
Thank you I'll try
It's natural to feel confused and possibly violated because you did go further than what you were comfortable doing, but this seems like lack of communication and experience moreso than sexual assault or rape.
Your boyfriend and you are both young still and new to this whole experience. Because you are both virgins, and because he knew you had reservations/boundaries, he should have double checked to see where you were mentally/emotionally during it. He shouldn't have assumed that because you didn't say otherwise, that what he was doing was okay. However, with this being said, you can't blame him for not knowing something was wrong when nothing was said. Please note that I am not blaming you for not speaking up sooner. I'm simply giving him slack where some is due.
I'm also very impressed with his mature response once you did speak up. He immediately stopped, apologized, AND gave you your clothes back so you wouldn't feel as vulnerable. He sounds like a very good guy and I only wish I had had someone like that when I had said the word, "Stop" once upon a time.
You need to sit down with yourself and assess how you feel about sex. If you're not ready, then stick to that. If you want to experience intimacy with your boyfriend and want to steer clear of anything having to do with penetration, there are other "methods" of pleasure you two could explore. It would give you a break and build trust and closeness between you two once more.
You also need to sit down with him again and explain how you felt. Let him know that you aren't blaming him, that you're both still young and inexperienced with this, but he deserves to know what you're feeling so that you don't keep it bottled up. The paranoia you're feeling could lead to resentment and he sounds like a very good guy. Inexperienced and immature, still, but good.
Anyways, I wish you both the best of luck. Establish firm boundaries and forgive him and yourself. Let me know if you have any more questions, I'll be more than willing to help.
Thank you this helped a lot💕 I'll try to talk with him about it and just sort everything out
When its a situation like this its normal to feel how you did, feel confused and not sure what you want so dont worry about that. You need to try and talk to him about it, it may feel awkward at times but its the best thing you can do. Let him know that you love him but it made you feel a bit uncomfortably which is why you pushed away and just wasn't ready for it yet.
Don't feel like you have to do anything and certainly dont rush into it if it isn't what you want. It sounds like he didn't mean to hurt you and from his reaction it upset him that it did hurt you so the best thing you can do is explain how you feel and when you are ready you will consider it.
I hope everything stays well for you and remember just stay strong and be yourself! Dont change for anyone :)
Feel free to message me if you would like to talk or have any more questions :)