Drunk Incident [trigger warning - added by forum moderator]

Hi all,

Below is an event that happened in July of 2014. Up until about two months ago I had never thought about it, until I started obsessively worrying about it. I have had a history with obsessing over things, for example, sexuality. Anyways, here goes!

My friends and I were hanging around the shop. We organised to meet a few girls to go drinking down by a local football club. We got our drink, started drinking and relaxed. One of the girls and I started kissing, after which we went off somewhere a bit more private to continue kissing. We were both very drunk at the time, however she was more drunk than me. I asked her for oral sex, she said ?no, another time?, I was drunk and got carried away and continued to ask her a few more times (3-4 maybe). I basically repeated the words: ?come on, now, please? in a friendly and interested tone - not to be confused with an aggressive tone. After about a minute of her saying ?no, not now, another time? and so on, I pulled down my pants slightly, and she started to give me oral sex. That was that and everyone went on with their lives afterwards.

This was about 8 months ago, and only over the last two months or so have I been thinking about it obsessively. Thinking about it makes me anxious, agitated and very nervous. Until then I knew what I did was wrong, however I was just like ?I pleaded with her a couple of times and that was that, no big deal things like this happen all the time?. I had learnt a lesson that I should never treat a woman like that again, as it was not how a gentleman would act, the way I naturally act. I was reading the news about somebody who raped a woman recently, and I began to worry that what I did could be classed as raping the girl. Suddenly, I started to worry about what I had done. I began to search through any website with definitions of rape, sexual assault, sexual coercion, pressure, pleading and so on. I began to worry so much about this as I would never, ever rape a woman. It does not fit in with the kind of person I am, I am not like that.

It is true to say I pleaded with her, probably slightly pressured her, however I did not force her whatsoever, or imply any threats either physically or verbally. I was just a normal guy that was excited and craving a bit of fun.. There is many definitions of rape, and many of them are very different depending on the website, however I am afraid about what I have done. Legally, I do not know what I have done. It really is messing with my mind.

Now that I think about this story more, about a year ago, my ex-girlfriend and I used to engage in sexual activity numerous times a day. One particular time, I did not want to, however she kept asking me and I eventually gave into her. Originally I did not want to engage in sexual activity as I was not in the mood, however after a while of her continuously asking me, I just let it happen. I guess the situation is sort of similar. I was continuously asked, and I am unsure whether that counts as being pressured or not. However, when she did that, afterwards, I didn?t feel like she did anything wrong at all. I think I may be in the same situation above as my ex-girlfriend was in.

Anyways, back to the other girl; I talked with her recently, and she felt that I used her - I did. The woman said it let her down and annoyed her over the next couple of weeks after when it happened. She felt that I had slightly pressured her, however she also thought that it was ?nothing like rape?. Those were her words. She knows what happened bothered me as we have talked on two occasions about it. I have read about things like these happening in numerous places over the internet, and the people do not seem to care, or be worried. They seem like it is just a normal thing, which it is I guess, however I am taking it very seriously. I even know guys that would do this frequently, and not feel one bit of guilt whatsoever. I guess I am just worried that I raped someone in the eyes of the law?

Should I be as worried as I am about this? I don?t want to talk with my parents about this, I am unsure on who to talk to. Please give me your opinions, what I did in the eyes of the law (Irish law), what I should do next and just your overall input. I really appreciate any and every way you can help me, and if you can?t, no worries.

Thank you.