HELP! I don't know if this is normal??!
My life has been constant abuse in all forms. So I have no idea what I am doing in this new relationship....
My mother was sexually abused by her father and never got help. My siblings and I were raised to fear men or to submit to them entirely. Hence my first abusive relationship and marriage. He messed with my head so badly. He was jealous and rageful, controlling and awful. When things turned physical, long story short, I left.
Immediately after I was drugged and raped. A few years later, raped again. And most recently this year, sexually assaulted by a friend.
I have no idea what's normal anymore.
I started seeing a guy that feels like my best friend. But I'm not sure if he's showing red flags or if I'm just overly sensitive? Last night we had sex and he didn't even try to pleasure me at all. He did what he did and was done. I felt so used that I just started crying and crying. He begged me to tell him what was wrong. I didn't want to because I knew he would just argue with me. I gave in and finally told him how I felt. He pretty much kept saying that I got it all wrong and that he DID try to make me feel good, that he wasn't just using me...etc. All I needed was him to say sorry.... Not try to defend himself or play the victim when I was the one crying.
I fear I'm making the same relationship mistake..... Please help!!
@bluebutterfly10492
I'm sending virtual hugs to you!
I feel so sorry for what you went through and I have NO IDEA how awful you might feel. Never have I ever wittnessed sexual assault, but I can tell you one thing: Your feelings are true, because they can not be judged objectively. You feel them, therefore they are true. Such thing as "normal" does not exist. When you feel this way, you do. He can try to argue but at the end he can not talk the feeling away. You don't have to question yourself because of that, cutie. Are you seeking professional help?
@Histerikal
Thank you so so much. I felt like I was hitting my head off of a wall to try to get him to care. I am just concerned my mind is so confused with all that has happened, I don't know what's normal. I know I need to seek a counselor. Sighhh. I'm always last on my list I guess!!
@bluebutterfly10492
And there's the problem. You need to be first. I had to learn this too, but in a psychiatry. you should take the opportunity the get help NOW before it's too late like I experienced it. Talk it out, even if it's here with a listener at first. But you will feel how good it is for you. It's worth a try. Because you are NOT crap. you DO count. You sound like such a lovely young lady, way too beautiful to be so hurt and you should not waste your time on such toxic relationships. You feel, you ARE and you are loved. I really wish you the best luck and we are all here for you; don't forget. <3
-Erik