Has anyone else experienced gang rape?
I couldn't find a thread about this topic. Are there others who have gone through this? How are you coping with it? Does it still affect you? How did you find help, or have you been quiet about it? Is it causing you problems and would you say you're traumatized by it?
I'm a guy and I was 16 when this happened to me, I was drunk and an older guy walked up to me and told me he wanted to tell me something, I asked why couldn't he tell me it there but he insisted on having this talk "in private". I was curious because I was young and inexperienced and he seemed safe and even though I knew I liked other guys no one had ever paid that kind of attention to me. So we walked through an empty mall (it was late, prob. 11pm) and at some point I realized we were at the public bathrooms and there was a big group of people I thought we were just gonna pass them. My memories are kind of hazy because I was drunk, and I was kind of scared of the older guys everyone was bigger than me. And then they just shoved me in one of the stalls and locked the door. And then they took turns. I'm not quite sure how many of them touched me but then they ran off when the security passed by and I was hiding in there and trying to sorta laugh it off, I walked outdoors all night and told myself that I had wanted that and that I deserved it. It was also my first time with anyone and it was very painful.
On the next day I tried to tell my friend about this and she just laughed at me and implied that I "must be some kind of a slut" so I just shut up about it for years and brushed it off. But it has definitely left its mark on me and I still find sex very embarrassing and difficult after 8 years. I've been trying to cope by using sex to punish myself over and over because I've felt "slutty". Only lately I've began to realize that it really wasn't my fault, even though I followed the first guy. I have lots of flashbacks but I use grounding methods to soothe myself and then I just tell myself that it wasn't my fault and that I'm not damaged and that I can keep myself safe and love myself.
This wasn't my only experience of sexual abuse but it's been the most difficult one to get over. But I'll get there some day.
I know I'm not a slut even though my previous partners have treated me as one and I know I'm worth so much more. I want every one of you who's gone through rape/assault to remember that it wasn't your fault, it never was.
@GruesomeRed
Oh my ... my dear one, I am truly sorry this happened to you. I haven't gone through anything like this but I can assure you that this is not your fault at all.
I am happy you are finally starting to realize this on your own too. It's hard to cope with this alone, a lot more when people are laughing about it to your face because they don't understand all the struggle you've been through.
Going through more abusive relationships is understandable as you haven't moved on from that initial sexual contact that was so traumatic for you, so you have this pattern (of being a slut who needs to be punished) in your mind. People who got involved with you and abused of your fragile, vulnerable position are horrible people.
Therapy might be needed - for you to be able to talk about this, understand what your feelings & behaviors mean and how you can finally move on to a healthier type of relationship. Have you tried to connect with a listener in private here on 7Cups?
I will try to find more resources about this on our 7Cups forums & blog if you are interested.
I am so very sorry that this happened to you. No matter how anyone makes you feel about it never ever blame yourself. No matter what you did not deserve or cause this. I haven't been abused by a gang but I have been by 3 different men and it still lives with me now. Only now, 6yrs down the line am I starting to see a therapist and I still find it incredibly difficult. I still blame myself, even though I keep being told it wasn't my fault.
You deserve better than this, keep going because you are so much stronger than you think. You have come so far and you should be proud!! Never suffer in silence! <3
I was at 16 and I was gang raped thrown into bush and left to die. I am getting help and know how you feel, but let me tell u this. Life goes on, their karma will come and your heart will love again. I promise, I use the "pretend it happened to other person" view and it works well. Love you just to let you know ! You will be ok !
Alive 