How can i change habits?
*Explicit warning*
I don’t think this would specifically count as sexual assault, but over the last few years I’ve sexted probably around six guys. And every time I do it it’s cause I seek that easy affection they give, even though they only “care for me” because they want photos of me for when they’re alone. At some point, once my insecurities have hit after sending pictures I’ll block the guy, but ultimately I continue to text new sexters about every 3-4 months and it ends with me feeling bad about my body, sad and feeling lonely, and just conflicted about what decisions I keep making that put me in a bad position/mindset. I crave for that attention and appreciation, but also my mind always tricks me to think they actually care about me which is what keeps me texting. Some guys I’ve even unblocked and then that worsens my mental health even more.
I was kinda just hoping to have someone to talk about this with. My biggest insecurities are my body, and the constricting feeling/thought that I’ll always be alone or end up alone.
anyway, have a good day.
-grace
@kindnessngrace Hi there first of all I would like to underline that you made a significant step forward by opening up about this issue it's very courageous and most importantly it's healthy.
Is there any way you can clarify your boundaries with yourself first, so you redefine what is safe and what is not ?
If I could recommend someone with experience on this subject I would but I actually don't know any
(for the moment).
I have been dealing with issues that made me question certain habits of mine and I found a website that is full of ressources including various topics including health.
Have a look here
Motivation and personality by Abraham Maslow helped me to visualize things from another perspective.
You might read or listen the topic you are interested in and it's practical and free.
Regarding the need for connexion and care : It is essential to every human being
That is why it might be interesting to consider what we can do to help ourselves and help each other out.
Regarding confidence and body image : The best tool I have ever used and recommended is physical activity. Celebrate your body for what it can do more than for what it looks.
If for example you can engage in a physical training process with a group (it might be fitness dance or theater or any kind of activity you dare to try ) this way you will meet people and by sharing these moments with people from various backgrounds and experiences you might gain more confidence and meet caring people men and women.
You might significantly improve
- General health ( prevent diseases )
- Mental health ( self esteem / Self confidence )
- Physical health ( what your body can do )
And ultimately you will probably be in better shape.
You are not alone
I hope this will help you
thank you so much for this; I am glad you mentioned redefining my boundaries- I hadn’t even thought of that yet till you mentioned it. And I will definitely check out the site you linked, I’m grateful for the help and support.💗
@kindnessngrace
Hi Grace,
Lovely support that you've received already 😊
I just had another thought that could be helpful- rather than trying to 'change' your habit, what if you were to be curious about it? Next time that you find yourself wanting to text, just check in with yourself; is there another way for you to feel good about your body? What are ways that you can feel cared for? How else can you feel appreciated?
Hopefully if you can give yourself a little compassion and meet your needs in other ways, you won't feel the need to text.
@romanticthi3f thank you for commenting these suggestions, and apologies for the late reply.
I realte perfectly to your story. I broke this habit a few years ago but it was very difficult. I did it from a very young age and on till i was 18. It comes from low self esteem and i would think my body was all i had for attention.
i was abused, manipulated, and threatened during this time. Yet addicted.
i struggle with the trauma of this. And it carries into my marriage by letting mistrust and fear overtake my mind.
If you need support, and understanding I am here.
@INFJChey thank you so much for this. I'll keep it in mind if I ever need to talk about something in the future. <3
