How to trust people after your assault?
How do I trust people after my assault?
I find my ability to trust others has been shot, even family and friends who were not at all involved. I am particularly sensitive when friends around me talk about sex in a nonchalant way like sex is "fun" like a bouncy house or something. I feel so alone, because for me sex is quite the opposite of a casual, bouncy house. I guess I should try to maybe to slowly tell close friends how I feel for now, and maybe practice standing up for how things are for me with friends.
Romantically, i am afraid that "building trust" will look like me becoming submissive to the other person, thereby setting me up to have more assaults. like i will sacrifice my needs to prevent conflict, or I will be shamed or called a prude for wanting more time. :( :(
@Daydreamer47
Healing after an assault takes time and often its our sense of trust and safety which is damaged the most.
Your healing journey should be taken be at your pace, especially in relation to sex.
You have a right to say no and to not do anything you dont feel comfortable doing-that doesnt make you a prude or anything else of the sort-its your right and your body, only you should have control over it.
As for talking to your friends and others about what happened, that is completly your choice and only when you feel ready to do so if you want to. I think your very brave for talking about here and for trusting the 7cups community.
Any person who judges you for not wanting intimacy now or in the future or pressures you into it, may not have your best intentions at heart.
I believe the right person will your earn trust and its natural after what you have been through to be concerned but that doesnt mean you will always feel this way but if you do then that should be respected too.
Sometimes the mental damage caused could leave scars which are irreparable irrespective of how untainted the situations turn out. You lose the ability to trust even a single person emotionally or romantically or whatever. Despite having good friends and stable relationships, you tend to build a wall which you fear might make you vulnerable if you let your guards down. This might be intolerable to those around you but sometimes it's just not easy to let anyone in. The fear of subjugation will prevent you from trusting anyone completely.
To overcome the fear and to slowly break the wall, I think one should work on their insecurities and self-esteem. In order to lessen the pain of a trauma , our mind chooses to opt for self-blame leading to low self-esteem. Rebuilding self-esteem can be a difficult and long journey, as difficult as reclaiming ourselves may be. But it is worth it. Slowly start working on it. And when you finally realise your self-worth, you'll be able to let go of the fear and build strong trusted relationships be it with friends or family or a partner.
@W3llThatSettlesIt Thanks that settles it. I also have intense fears that I won't be capable of standing up for myself and owning what I want, and that especially if I like the person, I'm worried I'll allow them to invalidate or abuse me. I guess I'm gonna keep listening to these girl power songs hahaha like "Fighter" from Christina Aguilera. I think I always need to give myself the option of getting the fuck out of there, no matter what the other person says or says things like "You know you want it." arghhhhh The deep fear is that people (sexist men) will say "You know you want it" when I'm 100% certain that I don't, and they could start to control my mind, and I'll start to believe I want it when I don't.