I can still feel it
Deals with sexual abuse/assault and the ptsd that stems from it.
I can still feel him and his hands and it's really getting to me tonight. It has been the past few days and I've started to get paranoid about how he might show up and do something to me. He might be incarcerated but I don't know because whenever i check the trial from over a year ago his name and case number just aren't there. I wasn't the one who spoke out and I feel like too much time has passed for it to matter at this point. He still has this sway over me where I'm scared of something that is so unlikely to happen.
He sexually assaulted me and abused me and manipulated me for over 2 years when i was only 16 and even before that his hands were all over me. I can still feel them even though that was coming on 2 years ago.
If anyone has any advice on how to not feel like I am right back to those moments it would be appreciated. I have no idea how to really deal with this even after feeling like this for nearly 2 years
@TuxCatLady15
That sounds so scary and so uncomfortable. I think one of the the mantras I had to say to myself for a long time was "that was the past, this is the present" and just working on grounding myself with the facts of the current moment. In your example it might be when you feel the flashbacks or sensation of him touching you when he's not there, saying, "he's not really here" "I am in my room, my front door is locked, no one can get in, I am safe" just some reality grounding mantras could help a bit (it's not a magic solution, but I noticed that it has helped me start to separate the past from present).
I imagine it must be scary not knowing where he is for sure. Maybe also having some sort of plan you could put in place if you ever see him again could help ease some of the fear. I'm not sure what sort of plan that may look like, maybe someone who's gone through more similar would have ideas. I've experienced SA in childhood, but my memories were so repressed and it's a family member, I know exactly where they are and I'm not scared of them because they know not to try anything with me now. So I can relate to the trauma that comes from SA, but in a different way in that I don't fear it from my previous abuser, though I don't trust others now.