Identity Crisis
When I was a child I was sexually assaulted. I was so young I didn't know what had happened until years later. For me, I never thought my experience really effected me that much. I never put my major depression and terrible constant anxiety was all related to what I have going on in the moment, unrelated to my passed. However I recently realized it is very likely that they are connected. It's interesting that when it's someone else you can easily identify things like that but for yourself, you're blind to it. I just that I was depressed and anxious and I would out grow it eventually. I always thought when I turned 18 I would suddenly be the beautiful confident smart girl. But here I am 23 almost 24 and I'm still feeling like the stubborn depressed teen. The thought that that experience shaped me as a person terrifies me. It means I'm not the person I was meant to be. I was robbed of that and I will never know that person, I will never know the things I was capable of if I didn't have the weight of that experience sitting on my chest. Who the f am I ?
Dear moon, I'm so sorry about your awful experience. Your strong, young and with help you will find yourself. The wonderful amazing survivor that you are!! My abuse started at 2 and went on until I moved out but I pushed all that trauma down for 5 decades. Trust me it exploded like a volcano after a few recent tragic events happened. Very unpleasant to say the least. I asked myself that same question. " who the F am I ?" , Who would I be if I didn't have those horrible experiences so young. I am in therapy and taking meds for my CPTSD because it's pretty severe. But you have youth on your side , time is our most valuable asset here and I wasted so freakn much being in denial , I'm having alot of trouble forgiving myself for wasting decades. I have so much hope for you. You can find your authentic self and create a beautiful life. I have faith in you! Best of luck! 💜ABB
Hello ABB, Thank you for the response. I often feel anxious about time and you're right I do have time. I wish I had come to this realization quicker but like you said it was recent tragic event that created the "volcano explosion". I'm upset with myself for not realizing and being in denial about needing help. I am going to finally work on myself. I know it's going to be hard work but I'm tired of feeling stuck in what seems like an abyss of depression and anxiety. I have to work through my experiences and deal with them in a way I've always shut out. Thank you for having faith on me. Molamoon 🌙
You are whomever you choose to be. I've played so many parts in this life of mine. Every single persona forged by a need to survive. You are a survivor because you have overcome the acts carried out against you. You are strong in that you recognize the darkness within you and desperately desire to change it and breathe light into into that darkness. You've taken such a large step coming to the forum and sharing. Sharing was hard for me. The feeling of being judged is hard for anyone. Just know there are no judgments here and you are among the greatest of communities. Trauma is something one doesn't overcome alone. It takes a village of support. If you ever want to talk and maybe discuss who you want to work towards being I am here. If I'm not available there are plenty of wonderful listeners and members alike who would love nothing more than to put a smile on your face and lift your burdens off of your chest. A heavy heart is hard to bear sometimes and survivors have hearts that beat for all because they've seen the worst of humanity. What survivors need is to see the best of humanity. That's part of 7 Cups mission is showing the best humanity has to offer. I hope you come to see that we aren't robbed of our identity, an identity is something we create over time as needed. When we fall down and the person we find ourselves to be isn't up to par, we correct ourselves get up and try again. That my friend is a resurrection so like the Phoenix it's time for you to rise from the ashes and burn brighter than ever before.