I have no clue if digging into this will harm or help? *Potentially Triggering***

I was 13 years of age and had just begun using some hard drugs and was immediately addicted. A cigarette smoking man (around 53 years of age) was always parked in front of my high school during classes. I bummed a smoke off him one day, bought drugs the other. Cheap and powerful, so I called him later that night to buy more. I ran away from home to meet him at a very populated spot, got into his truck and he parked in a less populated area. I handed him the money which he refused. He proceeded to telling me how he wanted to be payed and I said no. He then put a knife to my throat and used me in all ways he could. I never told anyone at that point although I had a chance to. When I got home, 6 or 7 hours later (after struggling to find my way home, walking), I was sent to some crisis unit for troubled, drug addicted teens who like to run away from home.

I was raised differently than my siblings, I was extremely isolated by my mother (for reasons I'm now questioning) and never went out anywhere, never watched TV or anything. As soon as I found a way to some freedom, I dwelled into drugs, very ignorantly. Smart girl with good grades, but terribly clueless about harsh realities.

This event has been buried and I never ''dealt'' with it because I never think about it and cry. I just feel stupid and guilty, similarly to the way I feel about everything else I did in my teens.

That's all I have to say for tonight. I'm not sure I care for answers, I mostly just wanted to type it in a public forum and see if I feel any differently or if it stops popping into my head.

Thank you

P.S.: I know there are some mistakes in there and I apologize. English is not my first language and I did not bother verifying everything.