I need to let this out tw sa and selfharm

Context I’m 18 my ex bsf we’ll say Katie is 17 and her roomate we’ll say Ronny 21

i moved in with my bestfriend for 7 years after meeting my boyfriend and being too afraid to go home and she lived with her dad and Ronny lived with Katie and has been for 3 almost 4 years now. They moved in after 3 months of knowing eachother , anyways she went on a trip with her brother and I was alone with Ronny and her dad and she said it would be fine if I slept in her bed which she was gone bevahse I always slept in the bed with them when I went over for sleepovers so it’s whatever but when I fucking did he was drinking heavily and we were both smoking and he was watching tv and before this situation happened he was otp with her so we were talking to Katie and then afterwards we were watching tv and I rolled over facing away from him and was trying to fall asleep and he was being touchy and as a victim of rape and sexual assault I froze and I couldn’t say anything or breathe and it was terrifying and I thought he was going to rape me :/ I didn’t tell Katie for a month because when I told him he just said nothing and ignored EVERYTHING I said and just responded with sorry I was drunk. He read nothing literally nothing . And she wanted to move out with him and she wanted to get away from her family and shit and be on her own and I didn’t want to ruin anything for her I was terrified to tell her because I also thought she was going to fucking hate me . I told her eventually and I told her to not talk to him about it and she did even though I told her not too and im gonna tell y’all what happened . She got mad and said I was staying at her moms and then we went driving and she was going off and really pissed and then she went to go wait for him and ended up drinking and then arguing with him when he got home and then self harming in the bathroom and ignoring me and left me to defend myself and be told I don’t remeber what happened or nothing happened and then him admitting it and then saying he did sooo much for me all because I told her and then she came out and he left and took her blades to throw them away and I cleaned her arm and she was more worried about him and went to go look for him leaving me alone and then said it was up to me if I stayed with her or went with her mom and her mom had to comfort me the whole night and then she texted me we just need to say when we’re uncomfortable and being told that was so fucked because she’s a victim also. She started to ignore me and I wasn’t apart of any conversations they had so he probably said a lot of ducked shit to make me look bad because she literally wasn’t around me at all . She still drank and let him drink and had beer snd alcohol in her fridge even tho she said it was the alcohol that needed to go or him because he has a problem and I got stopped being asked to watch her brothers kids and then she went to watch them when that literally makes no sense bc she stopped telling me I had to watch them :/ Anyways she really treated me like shit and I went off on her in a episode and told her that I didn’t wanna be friends because of how she treated me and then Ronny went off on me saying I had no right to go off and then said about of stuff that wasn’t true and then her mom played the she did so much for you on me and Katie and Ronny both said I was lying about everything . All because she made me feel uncared for and discarded and unloved to the point where I went off on her for the first time in our 8 year friendship she chose someone who she shouldn’t be living with anyways considering she’s a kid and he’s an adult . And they think I’m upset because they live together . Even tho I helped them move .

fucks my head up I wish I didn’t say anything to her. She’s brainwashed by him and groomed obviously. The only one using her is him and it hurts she believes him over me . He rlly said he thought I was her even tho we were otp with her before it happened and we’re two different body types skin colors and hair lengths .