I really need to talk about this

I was 13, about a month shy of being 14 when it happened. The offender, which embarrassingly enough was my cousin, was 16-17. I fell into it. This man was like my older brother, so I trusted him entirely. I mean, who wouldn’t? I’m an only child with an estranged half-sister that I only saw a few times growing up. But when I realized what his plans were, I didn’t trust him anymore. I let this go on for 2 years. Not because I wanted to, but because I was scared of what he would do if I did something. He made me touch him multiple times and when he decided he wanted to go that far, he held my legs open as I cried and tried moving away from him. I was in so much pain, I was bleeding so much. I WAS 13. Now, seven years later, I still can’t get it all out of my head. I tried to be intimate with my boyfriend once, and the next thing I knew, he was shaking me because I had just went rigid and kept saying, “Stop.” with my eyes squeezed shut and I didn’t even know it. I just want all of this to stop. I want to forget all about this.