I saw him again and it sucked.
The other day I got a concussion upon waking from a nightmare and jerking awake so suddenly that my head hit the wall.
Well, I had a migraine for 2 days so I went to urgent care. Long story short, my perpetrator works there I guess. I saw him, panicked, and left. My boyfriend ended up driving me to the ER instead.
Last I heard, he moved down state, about an hour away. That was such a relief. Now knowing he has moved back, I am terrified. This is the second time I've ran into him since we cut ties completely. The previous time was before he moved, at the mall. I am scared to go to the mall, or any store for that matter. I don't want to run into him. I only feel comfortable going to a couple places in public anymore.
I don't know how to overcome that fear. I keep telling myself that i am safe now, that he can't hurt me anymore. I still am scared.
I guess I'm not necessarily looking for advice, just support. I need a big ol virtual hug. :(
@cornboy
*offers a bundle of hugs*
I'm sorry to hear about the nightmare and I hope your migraine has gotten better.. *sending strength*
I want to let you know that it's okay to feel anxious and scared when you see your perpetrator. I know the feeling where all the memories come rushing back..It's not possible to just "get over it". It's so hard to find that sense of safety and somewhere in there, we are scared to be vulnerable..
Knowing he moved back *does* sound terrifying. Allow yourself to be angry. You've every right to be angry and scared. Fear of public spaces and being around a lot of people is something I have personally experienced too..You may have thoughts along the line of "what if I see him there?" or "what if he hurts me?". Whether these thoughts are rational or not is beside the point. I remember when I had these thoughts, reassurance from those I trusted was the only thing that kept me going. Take your time in overcoming these thoughts. Not everything works for everyone, but one thing I can promise is that it *is* possible to overcome this fear..
Look after yourself,
~Sierra
Thank you. The hugs, the support, the kind words mean the whole world. Thank you. 🥺