It happened *TW*

About 6 months ago I had this really close friend, one I deeply cared about, who had always been there for me.
I had just started remembering and dealing with my trauma and nobody had validated or believed me in my life at the point.
I texted him and he came over, I thought he just wanted to be there for me, to comfort me, like he always had, now i think he was just grooming me all along, i don't know.
We sat on the couch in the living area for a while and held me as I cried, eventually he started massaging my shoulders, saying I was tense. I was sensitive and vulnerable, my head wasn't clear, I didn't know what I wanted.
I told him to stay on the couch, that I had to get something from my room, but he kept pushing to come back with me, eventually he followed me back, I stopped him at the door and said he couldn't come in, he kept pushing and ended up coming in.
He started touching me innappropriately and saying he had always been attracted to me, I cried in his arms because it was the last thing I felt at that moment, after beginning to remember the childhood sexual abuse and beginning to deal with it.
He sat on my bed and held me, then he laid down and kept touching me, turning me on, and we ended up kissing and making out on my bed.
I dissociated in his arms a couple of times, remembering, reliving what my father did to me, and he just held me, and then kept touching me.
Eventually we went and got dinner and then he walked me home, picked up his bike and left.

Last week I began asking myself the question, if I was in my right mind, would I have done any of that and my answer is no. there's no thinking about it, it was a straight out no.

I got this from a sexual assault website "Having the mental and physical ability to freely agree: A person has to have the mental ability to make decisions and the physical ability to communicate their desires." My mental ability was compromised therefore it counts as sexual assault. I was vulnerable and sensitive. He was my friend and he knew I am Christian, he knew what I stood for and he pushed it anyway.