I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend

This is not my mother language, but I hope I make through this

I left a 3 year old relationship a few months ago. It was an abusive one, it was breaking me apart in every single way. I was destroyed, but I tough I loved this person, I was so sure he was the only one for me

So I started remembering all of those things I've been trying to forget - because I HAD to love him. My safety couldn't be above this, right?

So I decided to forgot my first time. My first time that I didn't wanted. I cried all all along and it hurts me to to remember.

I decided to forgot my all other times, when I was crying, refusing, or when I was even ASLEEP

Every single time I tried to confront him, he told me that I was insane, creating things in my mind. But how? It felt so real for me...

But now I know it wasn't my imagination playing with me. I was r*ped for 3 years long. I used tk think it was love, I accepted it because i though I loved him

I just dont know how to cope with it anymore.

Im sorry.