My Story
Hey, my name is Wren.
I’m having a tough time coming to terms with what happened to me.
My trauma was inflicted by my own father when I was a very young child. I have vivid flashbacks of the sensation, but my mind has erased the memory. I have reason to believe it happened multiple times while I was asleep.
I’m too afraid to cut contact with my father, I feel as though I owe him my love. Apart from these memories, he’s been a great father, and it makes me doubt myself as to whether or not it really happened. These flashbacks have been debilitating, though, and I’m tired of living as though I don’t know what he did to hurt me.
I feel constantly unsafe nowadays, even when I’m not around him. I don’t want to get hurt again, I’m too scared to wear revealing clothing and my therapist is suspecting me of a dissociative disorder. I just want to live like a regular person. Even though it happened so long ago, I’m still constantly haunted by it.
Well, that was my little ramble. Thank you for reading it if you did.
@WrenRot
Hi Wren! Have you found it helpful talking to your therapist about this? It is common to doubt your own mind in this situation, and that can really be confusing. On the one hand, you have your own experience of realities that occurred. On the other hand, you have what your family has presented as reality, which has totally invalidated your experience.
Why do you feel you owe him? He owed you safety and did not provide that. But usually there is an expectation that we will obey and care for our parents that has been so ingrained in us from birth, it is hard to break. 💛