My story *trigger warning*

Two years ago seems like a long time. But two years has felt like an eternity ever since I was raped. It was my Junior year of high school. I had recently lost my bestfriend and had no one to lean on. Until I met the love of my life. or so i thought. We began dating in the beginning of junior year and were with eachother 24/7. I trusted him enough to take my virginity. Things were great and we felt like we were on top of the world. A couple months in I was having issues with my body image and did not feel sexy and did not want to have sex. I was sleeping. Innocently sleeping when he decided to try to have sex with me. I told him not multiple times but I was on my stomach and could not move. I was terrified and half asleep. He then reached for a condom and I again said no. He forcefully had sex with me and was so aggresive the condom broke and I had to get plan B. I made him go to the store as i sat sobbing in the bathtub aggressively cleaning my skin. To this day I see him in my mind. I left him 6 months after the incident with incidents happening continuously after. I hate him but love him. My ptsd worsened after two years. Im stuck.