Random anger + being cold ?
Well the title of the thread is self explanatory... I suffer from anger and being cold alot...
I constantly doubt people, specially guys. And with my boyfriend lately is being unbereable...
Lately because I already am unhappy with certain things it doesn't help either. And get's worst if he says something that "he shouldn't".
For example.. if he says something that triggers a flashback, or something I consider creepy, or even if he hits on me and I'm not in the mood, I will explode. And is very scary... Is not who I am...
I become an actual [inapporicate word removed by FM @RaCat]... Super cold and give super short answers. I know what is happening and know it isn't exactly his fault. So I measure my words... I try not to lash on him and sometimes even go to my balcony to just unleash a huge meltdown to feel better about it..
Thing is he's a very worried guy. He knows pretty much everything that happened in my life. He knows why I do things I do... so he tells me not to run, to face things that he'll help me. Well in the end we do fix things but I always managed to be [inapprociate word removed by FM @RaCat] and somehow say hurtfull things (although I warn) to him
What should I do? someone please give me any coping mechanisms I'm growing desperate...
I already feel so many bad feelings... feel disgusting alot of times, I have the impulse to push him away... I want to be normal.. I want to trust... I know is dumb saying this too (since is so early for this) but I want to be a mother one day, is one of my many dreams. How the hell am I going to do that being this way... I think we all deserve love... yet I feel like I don't.... when I think I did one step forward I take 2 or 3 backwards...
Someone give me advice...Please...
Also sorry for this huge rant I really needed to get part of it out of my chest...
@Booklover95
Hey book, 
sorry that no one has responded to your post before now Anger is a big issue for many trauma survivors and there are many reasons behind why a survivor may be angry towards others. I wonder why you feel you may be angry towards your partner, have you ever stopped to think about what purpose your anger is serving? You say you doubt people, underneath your anger, are you actually scared of getting hurt, and so is your anger about pushing others away before you get hurt - protecting yourself? You anticipate getting hurt, that others have ulterior motives or that you are somehow unlovable as a result of your experiences etc?
You mention being unhappy with certain things?? Have you been able to talk to anyone about these? I think in any relationship its good if both people can talk openly about whats going on, and no one should force their partners into situations they are not happy with. Have you been able to talk to him about the triggers you mention or how you feel pressurised into situations your not in the mood for?
I dont know if you have seen this yet but we have a really good article on anger in our second edition of the trauma community newsletter which can be found here
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9zq1W5QFhFfcjN0NkZrb21rZmM/view it may prove helpful to you
@Rain45
"You say you doubt people, underneath your anger, are you actually scared of getting hurt, and so is your anger about pushing others away before you get hurt - protecting yourself? " - yes is exactly this. I just don't want to face it but yes it's the truth. I don't know how to handle it sadly.
But thank you for your kind words and I'll for sure read the guide. Thank you :) 
I sure relate to that anger. I feel like a pressure cooker all the time. Especially around that topic. I feel like I have to modify my tone of voice all the time especially with man. It doesn't mean I hate men. But every time I have to deal with them I always wonder what they're thinking of me. One of the issues I'm dealing with also is feeling like I don't have any power. And that makes me really angry too.
Carol