Recall to past events

I opened up to my mom and cousins about being molested. I usually joke about it at school too try to grasp the idea that it did happen and I wasn't able to control the situation. I was 10. What the fuck could I do. I use to blame myself. Act like it Never happened. I was planning to come out with the information till I cutoff all contact with my family. Maybe because I killed myself or just left. But he was getting all touchy with her. one of the only people in my life who listened and can understand most thing. In all fairness it's his sister but I swore to myself if I ever found out he touched her or any of my other cousin I would kill him. I honestly still would. It disgust me how he kept hugged her and pestering her. That I broke. I stayed crying for 5 hours with a bladed to my neck. I really was gonna do it till I hear my cat scratch at my door. I called suicide hotline. A lady convice me to tell someone. So I told my mom. All of it. I was home alone with him. Everyone went to Costco and I got yelled at that day and I didn't want to spend anymore time with grandpa. So I stayed. I was in my room with our cat at the time milo. He wanted water so I followed him to his room. Since he shared a room with my two uncles and the cat belonged to my uncle. He asked me to close the door so I did. I stayed in the room waiting for the cat. When the cat was done I grabbed him and was about to leave.till he told me to stop. He asked me to take off my pants. I told him why. He sayed he was gonna show me something. I refused and he begged. I grabbed the house line phone I thearted to call my mom. He begged me not too. So I grab the cat and left.I never spoke about that incident and tried to forget it. I probably would have. In the next few weeks. He walked in my room late at night around 3:30am when no one would be home. My mom and uncles worked and my grandpa at Dialysis. I woke up with is hand on my leg. I asked what are doing he back up. I was so scared. I kept walk around the apartment. I didn't want to stay in one place. He was try to explain to me. I didn't listen it was all gross gibberish. All I remember from the day I was walking back to my room. He kept trying to show me a video. I'll never know what would be in the video and it still kinda scares me. What video did he watch to make him think that was reasonable. The next few night I caught he opening my door and I yelled at him but one might he was successful. He open my door. I woke up but this time he lunged at me and put his hand on my crotch I kicked him and he kept trying to make the effort but I fought. Eventually it stop after I ran outside and hid in a bush. Once I saw my uncle car park. I knew I was safe and quickly went inside back to my room like nothing happend and just got ready to go to school. I was stupid to hold this for so long. I never told because life was already fucking terrible. I felt that they would pin it on me like the always did. The next nights I hid outside or under my grandpa bed to avoid him. Eventually he pissed my mom off. She forced him to move out. I was so happy that I was safe. I didn't have to hide anymore. After that I just felt digusted. I hate being touched in general and I start freak out when there people close towards.