Reevaluating relationship
TW: stealthing-adjacent behavior? and confiding in someone<br><br>
NYE 2014 is difficult for me to talk about. What happened was: boyfriend and I were truly drunk. He saw the condom get stuck inside me and kept going anyway. It felt like a betrayal, like he had temporarily forgotten that I was a human being; I had to take EC, which scared me (I had orthorexia at the time).<br><br>
Fall 2020. New boyfriend. I mention what happened in 2014. I do not call it stealthing. He immediately replies that he doesn't think it counts as a violation. He replies a little too quickly.<br><br>
I didn't know where else to put this thought; it seemed to go here. I understand that what happened wasn't exactly stealthing; I can't prove that he knew it was off, and he was very drunk. I know those are both cliches. But what's always bothered me about the incident was that brief moment where I became an object instead of a partner; I felt dehumanized by the whole experience. The problem is that I've been talking to A LOT of men in their mid-20s and early-30s who are extremely quick to blithely deny the kind of injury that dismissal of humanity creates over time. It's not an easy thing to discuss, but it's a real thing.
Under alcohol all clear judgement goes out the window. Did you told him to stop?
Hi there @thisllpass
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Regardless on if it was or wasn't, it has stuck with you and impacted your self esteem and your image of yourself.
I am sorry that your Fall 2020 partner was not understanding or compassionate or listening regarding your disclosure of what had happened and how it impacted you.
In the future, you can always ask for what you need ahead of sharing information. If you have decided to share this information with anyone else, you can make it clear what you need from them beforehand by saying something like: "I am going to share something that happened to me. I need you to respond with compassion, and I need you to just listen, can you do that?"
Again, I am so sorry that this has happened and I want you to know that you are deserving of respect, you are a person, a person with needs and wants and emotions and dreams, and all of this makes you - for anyone to make you feel like less is not a good person.
Wishing you all my best, always,
-Jo
