Repressed childhood trauma

Firstly, so sorry that happened to you. No child should have to suffer that kind of abuse.

Have you had any in-person therapy for what happened? Finding a good therapist who can help you deal with some of those feelings could help you with acceptance and reduce the shame you feel..remember this was done TO you, it wasn't your fault.

A number of listeners here are happy to talk about sexual abuse (myself included) just use the search facility and filter on that specific topic.

Stay safe. Warm regards...CE.

@intergalacticpeach

I strongly agree with all @CreativeEnergy556 said.

Find a good therapist through trusted references. Ask your friends, your doctor, or a post-graduate psychology institution. Therapy will help you a lot to heal those wounds.

If you don't like your first therapist, you can change it. And so on.

Don't give up on Therapy.

Besides, keep participating in this caring, loving community. Check-in as much as possible, continue posting your questions, read and reply to fellow members. Belonging to a community of people that really understand you will also help you heal, and particularly deal with the shame you feel.

It's natural to feel shame, you have to work on that, preferably through therapy, until it goes away.

I would also encourage you to read the 7 Cups guide on Traumatic Experiences HERE for suggestions on how better deal with the lasting effects of your trauma, and to participate in the "Domestic Violence and Child Abuse" Forum (in this same Sub-Community) HERE where you can read former informative posts and interact with people that suffered similar childhood traumas like yours.

I stay at your disposal and wish you all the best,

Marcelo.

Hi, I don't know what to call you But I'm in the same situation as you. It started when I was young and I don't even remember the exact age, because I don't know its wrong. It ended when I was 16. I told my mother the next morning, and I insisted to move out to a separated room. When I came back from school, my mother said she confronted with my father, and she purposely mentioned that they had a fight about it. Was she trying to say that I caused the fight? Then she said, my father denied all, and she stopped there and looked at me. What was she trying to tell me? Why would I lied about it? Anyway I went speechless. I just insisted that I want a separate room, and drag my mattress and pillows out. Then my mother said, "don't do that, your father will be angry about it." From that moment on, I lost hope, love, trust, and light from my life. People should've protected me damaged me, people should've stand on my side turned her back on me. That day on my mother pretended like nothing ever happened, my father too but sometimes he scolded me for no reason. As if I was the one who's wrong in the whole incident. My mother just left me deal with all this by myself, she never talked about it, never treated me better. I break down every single night in silent, keeping it silent because I still have a younger brother who doesn't know about all this shit. My pillow was wet every single day. I stayed on 5th floor. Every night I opened the window rails, looked down and thinking how should I relieve myself of all this pain. At age of 16, maybe because still young I manage to tell myself that if God put you through these, there could be a meaning, a reason for it. At 17 I pursued studies at other states and therefore I'm not seeing them frequently anymore. I thought I was okay for 10 years, I played their games too, I'm still their good daughter. Recently too many triggers and these nightmares came back and it wasn't any better. I'm so tired, empty, and I don't understand why it's always victims to suffer all these when they're the innocent ones.