Sexual assault, virginity shaming, and social anxiety
Hi all,
I was assaulted about four years ago by a guy I was dating who was the first person I kissed and my first date at age 22. He sexually assaulted me by feeling me up nonconsensually. I was and am still a virgin now at 26. I still haven't had a romantic relationship since then, mainly due to social anxiety. I feel a lot of shame around the assault and around being a virgin, sinc being older and a virgin is considered being an old maid/prude/etc, I do want to have sex, but I am more interested in emotional connections that will help me feel wanted and understood.
I recently had a bad experience with my therapist where she said that I was too needy and expected a level of emotional investment from others that was unreasonable/entitled and said that I wasn't considerate enough of others, since others may not have emotions to give.
I also recently talked to me friend that I felt strong feelings for, and they told me also that they weren't at the same place and didn't have a lot to give emotionally.
Both of these brought up experiences of social exclusion I had when I was younger where girls would say "Does it matter?" and not let me hang out with them or close the door when they had a party and say I can't come in. I also had a friend once say "I don't date charity." :( :(
Sure, not everyone will like me, but I just don't like feeling like no one will want me or excluded.
@Daydreamer47 Hi there. I can't address all the issues you raised, but I would like to address 1 thing. I hope you will not continue to feel ashamed of being mistreated by someone you trusted. That certainly wasn't your fault. Hopefully some of the rest will be resolved when you meet someone you can really trust.
@Daydreamer47 The part you said you had a bad experience with you therapist where she said that you were too needy and expected a level of emotional investment from others that was unreasonable - DON'T LISTEN TO HER! If you want to have the real love everybody is looking for, you have to look for the emotional bond. Your therapist is an idiot, just as mine. Mine told me I expect too much from other people, and need to lower down the criteria. Basically, what they are saying is to change ourselves? Humans are animals. But to distinguish an animal from a human being can be acomplished by looking at their needs and dreams. If you want just the physical act - you are more of an animal. If you look for an emotional bond - you are more human than the rest will ever be. Please stay strong and keep in mind that people will want to change you(in this case for the worse), but never ever listen to them. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Love yourself and keep looking for people who are like you. A lot of us feel discriminated because we have a different sense of what love is supposed to be like. Hang in there!
