Sexually assaulted by my boyfriend (tw)
I always thought it was easy to heal from any trauma by time
But I don't think time is on my side
My boyfriend sexually assaulted me more than 16 times because I didn't give him the love he needs so he thinks it's okay to touch me in any way he wants to whatever I did I didn't deserve to be treated like that I will never forget the feeling of his hands all over me my trust all of it dragged out of my body I was fighting him off of me and he kept pulling me towards him he kept trying to touch me kept pushing him I fought him off but he kept holding me locking me in place he pushed me up against the wall and turned me around so I wouldn't see he broke up with me and blamed me for treating him in a bad way I was scared and I still am I tried to fight I tried to run he threatened me so I wouldn't move as soon as he did I could've swore my whole body went numb I was locked in place I started crying he never stopped he was happy I was dying his harsh words were a reminder my crying and screaming and pleading meant nothing to him now I have to fight for my peace but I want him dead so bad nothing feels the same I feel dirty I want to wash everything off taking a shower is very hard and even looking in the mirror is an everyday challenge I can't feel happy my mental state went numb if that makes sense I feel rage and extreme anger and I need to reclaim my body reclaim my safety , happiness and worth
How can I heal from this?
Edited 5/3/2023 to remove graphic details
@convivialFig9269
I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. What you experienced was not your fault, and you did not deserve to be treated that way. It takes a lot of courage to share your story, and I'm here to listen to you.
The journey of healing from trauma can be difficult and overwhelming, but it is possible. It may take time, and there may be ups and downs along the way, but you can regain your sense of safety, happiness, and worth.
It's important to seek support from a trained professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, who can help you process your feelings and experiences and develop coping strategies. You may also find support through a support group or hotline.
Take care of yourself and prioritize self-care. This can include engaging in activities you enjoy, practising relaxation techniques, and ensuring you are getting adequate rest, nutrition, and exercise.
Remember that healing is a journey, and there is no “right” way to heal. It's important to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate through this difficult time. You are not alone, and there are people and resources available to help you through this ❤️