Shame/self blame, guilt .
Why is it so difficult to convince yourself you weren't at fault for your assault. Ppl tell you it wasn't but your not convinced due to special circumstances. Why is it so hard to get past that niggling of doubt that you believe you encouraged him in some way. My assault was not typical, I wasn't assaulted in an alley by a stranger or in a college or by a family member. I did however know my assaulter. I trusted him. 💜ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
I 1000000% understand ABB. I'm in the same place. It's so hard to understand why someone would do something like that if it *wasn't* something you've done. The good news is that it has never and will never be your fault. And I know how hard it is to believe. As I type this I'm trying not to cry because I know that it feels utterly impossible to believe. But you're here. And it's not your fault. And you are lovely, amazing human being. I hope you get the support and healing you so deserve soon. *hugs if wanted* 
Emjay, thx so much for your kind words and hugs are always welcome. I appreciate your support, keep telling me that it wasn't my fault maybe you can convince me or at least create a new pathway in my brain. 💜ABB🤗
@amiableBlackberry92
Haha aww. Well I'm always around and happy to talk, just tag me
@amiableBlackberry92 Although I'm in the same position, struggling with constant self blame, asking why I didn't resist more, shout out, avoid my abuser, tell someone... I'm also aware to remember that despite being the same person the abuse happened to, I have to distance myself from it as I'm now significantly older with the benefit of the wisdom that age brings. My younger self didn't have any of that wisdom, the street smarts I have now, and I shouldn't expect my younger self to have been unnaturally wise to a situation that even most adults would struggle to handle. The more I can maintain this mental distance between my older, wise self and my younger inexperienced, childlike self, the easier I find handling the feeling of guilt, shame and blame. My abuser was not only one of my teachers, but also became a firm friend of my parents. They used to allow him to take me out after school, on the weekend, and I'm aware now that not only did he groom me, he groomed my entire family. Strangely the only people I'm aware of having called him out at the time were my brother and sister who I remember telling my mum that he was a paedophile. She ignored us, she ignored me trying to tell her what was going on, brushing it off as the stories of children. Remember and keep reminding yourself that you can't expect a child to have the awareness to be able to handle being the target of abuse, and must avoid the toxic temptation to put the blame on your younger self's shoulders. The blame sits solely with your abuser, no one else. 🤗 Grits
