Shattered maybe a trigger for some reading
My abuse has left me shattered. I have been dealing with the fall out for many years. My life is too sad to go into. I am so tired of feeling like the only one. Therapy and meds do not help. I am hoping to move away from my abuser and it's very tedious waiting for the paperwork I need to arrive. I am very tired of feeling this level of self-hatred all these years later. Life has for me been beyond cruel, all decisions were shit. I feel like I've been left with a shattered mind body and heart, an internet connection, and no one to care. No one should be left to live alone feeling like this. I am so tired of seeing what even other survivors have, families or partners, things I don't. I can barely stand the world anymore. I am suffering every day. All of my comfort is gone, people and animals who meant a lot to me. I am banged up physically (long story, nothing horrible) but somehow the bruises remind me of how precarious I am and my life has been. I feel like there should be euthanasia booths on street corners for people like me. No one should be lefft alone. The one thing I do know now is that God will be people go insane or commit suicide and doesn't care, that he lets dark spiritual forces attack you. Sophie in Sophie's Choice said it best. I can't bear much more of this cruel world as it stands. I'm so tired. I've fucking had enough. Thanks for letting me get this out. If you've had a pain so deep you wish to not be, your Book of Job Moment Lived A Thousand Times Over, you know where I am coming from. Childhood sexual abuse is hell, and what it does is hell. I can't stand the symptoms. It's hell.
Hi there, I am so sorry for all the pain you endured and are still going through. I wish I could take it away and grab your hand and help lead you to a better place. I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse as well. The offender was my father. I have to live with the consequences of his actions towards me everyday. It affects my friendships, my relationships and my whole family. When I was a teenager I almost took my own life because it was unbearable. I didn't know how to handle it. I pushed everyone away. My friends didn't understand, it was likely my therapist didn't either. Nobody did. How could someone truly help me if they have no idea what I felt. I have yet to meet someone in person who has gone through what I have. It took me a while to find my purpose in life. To heal. It wasn't until I saw my little sister going through what I did but for different reasons. Self harming, wanting to take her life. Growing up without a father led her to seeking love from men in a negative way. That's when I decided I needed to give back. I think that was gods will for my life. To help others who have been through what I have. Especially teenagers. Show them there is life. Inspire them. I put my everything into school now so I can become a social worker for these kids. It makes me happy knowing I could possibly change the life of someone else. It gives purpose to my abuse. I also decided I was not going to let my abuser take anymore from me and my family. He stole my whole childhood and part of my teenage years. Wasn't that enough? He can't drag me down forever. I must create a life for myself. This is not easy and I still struggle a lot but I see a little flicker of light. You have a purpose here, look how far you have come! You are a survivor, a warrior. You deserve to find happiness because you are worth it. Do what you love. Dig deep into your soul and find what makes you happy. Maybe it's animals, maybe it's art, maybe it's dancing. Volunteer too. It helps me to help others. Especially when I can't help myself. Friends will come if you put yourself out there. I don't know you but I admire you. Lastly, God unleashed these demons on you because he knows your a fighter and knows you are strong. It's unfair and I completely agree but maybe like me he chose you to endure this so you can help others too. You have a future that is waiting for you. A new lover who wants to hold you and cherish you and guide you. Maybe I am just blabbering on but I believe in you and I hope you find that flicker of light to guide you out of the dark. Stay strong xo.
I just wanted to pop up in here and say...that I'm proud of both of you for waking up every morning after all this you've been through and still being here today. <3 Stay strong and remember that you are NEVER weak. We look at ourselves as weak way too much but we aren't the people that was doing the hurting...we are the ones hurting. Remember that. I wish you two all the best.
I feel the exact same feelings. For me, it is a family member, someone I trusted the most. (immediate family not extended). I still live under the same damned roof as him and eat on the same table. And the worst of it, the abuse still doesn't stop. So, I can't say much because I'm having a hard time convincing myself but I'm here just to remind you that you're not alone. There are people (like me) who loathe our existence but then again, here we are..living. Yes, maybe just existing but we'll get to living..some time soon. Again, I may not have been of much help but you have all my love, support and empathy. I wish you all good luck for a good recovery.
