Still scared of him (trigger warning)
Last year I became involved with a boy. We are in highschool. And I really liked him. I liked him the entire year before and everyone knew it and they were always shipping us. So he finally asked me out and I was ecstatic...until a week later. He dragged me into a stairwell and raped me. I didn't want it to happen at all. I kept telling him no and pushing him away. But he was stronger. He said "this is what you want isn't it? I know you do." Things like that. I was a virgin and he took that from me. He did this every single day for 8 months unless one of us was absent. If I was absent he would go to my house late at night and just stand in the street for an hour watching my window. And the next day he would bring a knife and press it against my neck or against my cheek right under my eye. Eventually he cheated on me (which I didn't mind too much because he's a horrible person. Though I feel for that girl) and he broke up with me. I was 15 when all of this was happening. I'm 16 now. And I'm still terrified he'll come back.
@BeautifulxInsanity,
At 15 year old you went through a terribly long living nightmare during these 8 months. Although I absolutely admire how you could handle all that by yourself until now, maybe this living nightmare is still vivid in your mind. I think that to open up here has been a tremendous step forward and I would like to deeply thank you for the courage that you showed us by doing so.
Could it be possible for you to find some adult(s) who could help you to bear your so heavy burden, someone on whom you could lean on at least a little? I am aware that it might require a huge strengthto do so, but maybe you could go to a therapist, or open up to some of your family? If you are not ready or if it is not possible I understand of course. Listeners will always be here for you when you feel the need.
I wish you the so very best on your healing path, BeautifulxInsanity, you already took a first amazing step by having come here to open up to us.
Please take gentle care and be safe,
Gilles
@Gilles I don't have any adults I can go to. And I can't get therapy because I'm in the middle of a custody battle between my parents. I need to be switched to my dad's insurance before I can get therapy and that could take a while. I can't really go to either of my parents also...they really aren't good people. I don't even really have any friends outside of the internet because I'm homeschooled and haven't had the opportunity to meet anybody. So all I have is 7 cups unfortunately. It's a really great app though and I'm extremely thankful for listeners. As soon as I can I will get therapy though.
@BeautifulxInsanity,
I get that you have no adult around you that you can trust and that you can't have friends as you are homeschooled. Although you seem to be in a tough situation, I am so glad that you can come in 7cups and reach here helpful listeners.
BeautifulxInsanity, I wish you the so very best, and I am sending you some warmest thoughts from France.
Please take care and be safe,
Gilles
