Still struggling....

Basically, without going into too much detail... I was raped several times by my cousin, between the ages of 12-14... I stayed passive from the beginning and he was very violent and forceful about it, any opportunity he could get... It stopped when I finally faught back, I was to afraid to do anything before... And to cope I became, for lack of a better word, a slut. Being a young gay kid it was easy to find people interested, of almost all ages, and that was my outlet. Then, a couple years later, I began talking about it with friends and thus stopping my whoring around. And soon after my met my now fiancé. I felt as though life was going to get better and I was determined to leave this stain on my childhood in the past, and then the nightmares came back, I began to not feel the urge to be intimate with him, and now I've got almost constant nightmares and almost constant mood swings. I don't even know how to explain to him about my lack of sex drive, and my (at the time) friends have all moved on to better lives. I'm at a loss and I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. Been feeling very alone and afraid as of late :-/.... I hope this is appropriate talk, I really need some advice.