Stressed out and traumatized

The first time it happened, was over a decade ago and it was someone I know. But I was able to make peace with it and finally move on. Now, it happened again, but the details are different and I barely even knew this guy.

My best friend has been supportive, even teaching me how to fight. The thing is, the most recent one was a friend of theirs (now my bff hates the guy and wants to hit him in the face).

My coping hasn't been that great, and I waited almost eight months before I told someone what happened. Most of my family isn't trustworthy, so I keep them in the dark, especially about the first one. I can't help blaming myself in some way, I let a guy I barely knew stay with me for a while because my bff asked.

It was wrong to kiss him back when I had a bf at the time, but I'd told him several times that I had a bf and this guy didn't care. He initiated the kiss, and before I even knew what was happening, it was too late. He didn't ask if I wanted to have sex, he just went and did it. And I would've fought back, but the floor was cement. I feared if I fought back this time, I'd get hurt and then if he ever went after me again, I'd be completely defenseless. I told my bff what happened, and there's been a lot of tension between us ever since. I've tried to get us to talk about how we feel about it, and it just hasn't happened yet.