Struggling with forgiving
So this guy I was talking to, I’ve know him for a few years, raped me and when I blocked him and avoided him at school he did everything in his power to ruin my name and when my current boyfriend asked me out he warned him about me and had his friends warned him about me even though I did nothing wrong but for some reason my boyfriend didn’t listen to them and he’s made me the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. Fast forward it had been over 6 months since he raped me and he messaged my boyfriend admitting what he did and wanting to apologize and wanting to be friends again, I know for a fact I can’t be friends with him again but originally I said I would be ok letting him apologize and forgiving him as long as my boyfriend was there too but I don’t know now I’ve had several panic attacks by just being near him and though those have stopped I still get really panicked when he is around and I’m terrified walking back to my car at night. He has caused me so much trauma should I really forgive him just because he admitted what he did and is willing to apologize?
Please don't feel obligated to forgive. I've tried to forgive people before but I haven't really forgiven them. You don't owe anyone forgiveness. Some people are manipulative and narcisstic and will do and say anything to "win you back" or wiggle themselves back into your life. Not that that's the case for him, but it's not worth forcing forgiveness if it's not something you are currently able to do. Even if you had said you would be forgiving before, you are not bound by that. Your feelings are valid and if he makes you feel uncomfortable, listen to those feelings.
