Survivors of psychopath abuse and narcissism
Any people like this here? I am looking to connect with other people who have been abused by psychopaths or narcissists.
I am not sure if this thread already exists somewhere here but I see it’s not recognized as a special type of abuse (not surprising as people still like to believe that we, the victims, don’t exist).
Looking to connect here, please share your stories or questions and concerns regarding psychopath abuse.
@friendlyCity5217
Hi. Well I have no experience with psychopath abuse, that sounds pretty intense, but my first marriage was to a narcissist who was raised by an alcholic narcissist and he was verbally and emotionally abusive. And dishonest, secretive, manipulative, selfish, unfaithful, etc. Fortunately I am NOT one to get stuck in perpetual victimhood and be some jerk's doormat, so I left him after two years of marriage, six years together total.
It was tough though. I was so anxious and unhappy all the time, even when I tried to be happy, even when we'd go through periods of a month or two without "incident" or fights or abuse. But other things gradually got worse and less acceptable. I had told him at one point after I found out about something that had happened shortly after we got married that the next time any female came between us in any way, I was gone. I said that if he ever lied to me again I was gone. Well another female did, he did, and I was.
I think it was slowly killing me. By the time I left him and then for several months after, I was severely underweight because I can't eat when I'm anxious and stressed enough. I'm 5'8" and normally 130 lbs but at the time I dropped to about 110. He was just mean, overreactive, very thoughtless and cruel with his words, even threatening sometimes, and often very belittling. There was no way he truly loved me no matter what he said. I was a trophy. He was very physically and sexually attracted to me, other aspects of our personalities and tastes were very similar, but it's not love if you're regularly disrespectful, dishonest and verbally abusive to your spouse. It was rubbish. He is very handsome and so full of himself, he just loved attention, even if it was from someone he never had any interest in or intention to fool around with. No one deserves to put up with that, so I didn't.
He didn't think I'd really do it either. Then he thought we'd get back together even though I repeatedly made it clear that that wasn't gonna happen. Narcissists can't believe it when their victim finally leaves them. Ha, in your face! Underestimated me. I was not his mother, who was advised by multiple counselors to leave her drunken, lying, abusive, cheating husband, and in over 30 years she has not left him and never will. That's her problem. I was not about to let their spawn keep being my problem.
Now I have an amazing husband who is everything my first husband was not and then some and I have never been happier. I win! Meanwhile the ex is single and living with three roommates and has to know that he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.
@Mogwife
Thank you for sharing that. It’s really good you left and have no regrets. Yes, it’s not easy to get there but it’s really worth it once you are out. Narcissists and sociopaths can really create this grand image and story of a great love while in fact it’s just smoke and mirrors. What really helped me personally was researching how they function, as it is really different than the rest of us, especially when it comes to psychopaths. It’s really interesting how we all think they are so unique and great when we meet them, but in fact, once you start digging deeper and speaking with other survivors you realize that they are all eerily the same. Very much operating in a generic way like robots or some kind of AI - and it’s fascinating how there is nothing unique about them at all.
@Mogwife
I wanted to write more but it got posted.
My experience is with a psychopath and yes, it is intense because to see face to face with someone or better said something that doesn’t feel any kind of connection at all (and yet, fakes it) is the most chilling experience. I’ve just finished watching the series Undoing a few weeks ago where they depicted a psychopath quite well. It was eerie to watch and the caracter was so similar to the psychopath I know that I couldn’t watch his face half of the series. But it gives me hope since society very much ignores the existence of psychopaths and I hope it will become more of a common knowledge so that the victims aren’t as much gaslighted as they are now.
@Mogwife This describes my last relationship to a T. Omg I can relate so much. The "good times" when I couldn't trust him and was always worried and anxiety filled and then there were the "bad times" after him being caught in lies and doing things with other women online. The verbal attacks and abuse... Very cruel words along with blaming me and calling me crazy all at the same time. The verbal abuse was horrible attacked my personal self and my appearance when I was even way out of league. I wish I could understand why these things happen to good women.
I must say I feel like a drug addict after getting out.... Anyone else with this sensation? I try desperately not to look through social media of him.... It is a wrong thing to do.
@friendlyCity5217
this is exactly what I’m looking for!!! Please do get in touch with me. I’ve never done this before so I don’t know if I can leave my personal email address on here but I’m desperate so….. please let me know the next steps.
thanks so very much, Erica
@friendlyCity5217I'm leaving a narcissist now. Unfortunately I can't move in my new place until Dec 20th. So I'm stuck here living with him in a separate room. He gets mad when I seem down because he's happy about the break up. He's pushed away everyone i was close to, so now I'm going through this alone. I can't get in to a counselor until Dec 13th. I'm so depressed. Not suicidal, just down and unhappy. I have no one to talk to or support. If I talk to "our" friends, I'm turning everyone against him and making him out to be a monster. Even though, he did these things.
