TW Flashbacks from triggers at work
After 2 positive and productive days at work (with no more than 6 hours sleep in total!) today ended on a new low. In a meeting this evening at work, a document was shared that contained sexually explicit terminology (appropriate to the context as I work in a school) but as I had no idea it was coming, no idea what the document was about until I started to read it, I was totally knocked for six. Had to leave the room, the only silver lining being that I think none of my colleagues saw what a state I was in. F*CK it!!! Sorry... Not like me to swear... Even online! Not having the time to prepare mentally to deal with what was in front of me, having to return to the meeting as if nothing had happened, having to process it whilst trying to concentrate on doing tasks needed before I left to come home... What a totally sh*tty way to end the day. Really f*cked off with the whole situation. Just enough. Enough!!! 😣
Grits, I'm so sorry that happened today. I had a similar thing when 2 co workers were discussing some assault they read about online or in the news. I had to get up leave the office. Ugh it was awful. I didn't know how to handle it and I was afraid to disclose my private situation with my superiors. It's so uncomfortable to share especially at work. It's one of many reasons I ended up leaving the job. I'm still not well enough to handle ppl especially in a job environment. I used alot of sick time before I left too. I was one with perfect attendance prior. My Dr finally gave me something to sleep because I wasn't sleeping and it's so important for healing. It's ok to swear you have every right to feel the way you do. I feel your frustration. Sending you positive vibes right now. ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Thank you so much for the kind words... They mean a great deal. I'm fortunate that my boss knows of the situation, so I've decided to tell her about what happened the other evening, and ask if she can give me a heads up should we be sharing similar information in future. The main issue is dealing with my colleagues reaction when I have no choice but to run out of the room, knowing that at some point in the future I won't want to come back inside again. My God, the frustration of having to force myself to get back to 'normality', to carry on like nothings happened... It's so incredibly hard. I know that's indicative of how bad I am at self care, and I know I need to do something to give myself a break.. Just don't know how. Calmer now at least, but having had no more than 8 hours sleep in 3 days is getting me down hugely.
Grits your doing great!!, just writing here is a good self care option. It helps to let it out/ off your chest.( I like going to the day spa lol) Be patient healing takes time, Im still in it 3 years now. I am not the most patient person with myself either. I had a rough day today. It happens. One day at a time right?! ABB