*TW* Sick with anxiety and can't calm down
After a week that sucked at work, appending my entire time alternating between bursting into tears, or throwing up any time I tried to eat, I've really had enough. Can't deal with the incessant flashbacks, the darkness I feel inside, the sense of being overwhelmed and not knowing where to turn. Every time I find someone who could help, it seems like they don't care, or organisations that I'm not eligible for support (too old, live in the wrong location, too long ago to help). Just had enough of feeling like I'm alone. That there's nobody able to give me a hand to get off the floor. Can't sleep, can't concentrate, probably going to call in sick next week, but even the thought of doing that makes me more anxious. Just want to sleep and not wake up back into this unceasing nightmare.
Grits, I'm so sorry. I get it. I want you to know I care. I know that pain I have it too. It's a struggle to find good help, good you have 7cups available. So many ppl here with compassionate hearts. I write alot and I talk about the dark pit with no ladder to help me climb out. I got to a point where I had to leave the job for extended period of time. Not sure where your located but we have something called family medical leave that allows you to be out and holds your position for up to 12 weeks. A Dr has to sign the paper work though. I was able to utilize this so I could get help and get away from job pressures. I kinda lost it at the job and had no choice but to take the time. Anyway just want to say don't give up your life is important and so is your happiness. Trust me I wanted to give up but I held on until I found help/ meds. Your not alone 💜 ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Thank you so much for your kind words and compassion. It does help to know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and that there is support out there. My worry about taking time off work is the concern that a couple of days stretches into a couple of weeks, into a couple of months... The whole issue of 'getting back on the bike' when I don't even feel like I can ride with stabilisers right now is really concerning. But equally there are things I need from life right now, particularly the time to concentrate on journaling (which helps to write things down), reading (I have a book on CSA which is really good) and above all not to have the pressure of maintaining the façade of 'being ok', having to deal with my colleagues whilst breaking down into tears, throwing up when the anxiety gets the better of me. I'm lucky that my job gives me full pay for a while when I'm off unwell, I just hope I have the guts o next week to take the right decision and take some time for me. Not something I'm at all used to doing! Hope you're doing ok, and thank you again for taking the time to reach out to me. Your words and kind thoughts are hugely appreciated. Grits
Grits YW, I had many days at my job I was so sick with anxiety. I had some really bad breakdowns and I was usually hiding in a restroom or a closet. These episodes were daily and long 45 min. or longer . It takes alot out of you. I remember dragging myself in on a day to day basis wondering if I could get thru the day. It was really awful and took a severe toll on me. I was in really bad trauma( more than one type) I got to a breaking point and I couldn't do it anymore. I'm almost embarrassed to say it but, currently I'm on disability. I have worked in some way for 3 decades. So this is new for me and it's not easy. I'm not used to this new life I'm in. But I know there's no way I can function in the workplace right now. Just the pressure of driving gives me terrible anxiety. I don't usually leave my house too often. Maybe in the future but I'm stuck in the rock and hard place kind of thing. My house is looking good from all the paint/reno stuff I've done . These projects help keep me busy when I need to meditate on something. Helps to feel somewhat productive. I do write alot and if course therapy. I'm reading every book Don Miguel Ruiz wrote lol...he writes from such a place of love for humans. I'm so glad your job is being supportive, your lucky there. The facade part was the hardest part to keep up. I did it for awhile but it was crushing me. Grits don't be too hard on yourself and take time to care for your needs first ok?!.... I care💜ABB
