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User Profile: Salsmanm
Salsmanm August 10th

I think I was SAed by my ex....I slept over at his place and I woke up to him having sex with me, but even after I woke up I let it happen and didn't say no...I'm too scared to talk to anyone about it in my life because he is one of my best friends and I've finally started getting people to be ok with the friendship 

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User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul August 10th

@Salsmanm I'm sorry this happened. Yes, this is SA. You were sleeping and didn't give consent. No one should take advantage of you while you're vulnerable and sleeping, doesn't matter what the relationship is. I think you have an idea that your friends would say the same thing, right? 


2 replies
User Profile: Salsmanm
Salsmanm OP August 11th

@mytwistedsoul yea, but I don't know what to do...every time I try to separate myself from him I end up missing him or he will do something to pull me back in and then when he gets mad at me I can't help but try to do whatever I can to make him forgive me...I know it's a toxic friendship but I don't know how to leave

1 reply
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul August 12th

@Salsmanm It's hard leaving a toxic relationship, but it is possible . It's almost like an addiction. It sounds like there's a trauma bond too. It takes a lot of strength and is a big first step to even acknowledge and admit it's a toxic relationship.  

        
There's a reason he's your ex-boyfriend though. You're seeing his patterns. He knows exactly what to do. He pulls you in by being extra nice and then something happens and he makes you feel guilty for him being mad. It makes sense that you miss him or try to fix things. He does this push/pull intentionally to keep you hooked. 

It's not weakness to struggle to leave him completely. It can be really hard to cut him off completely at first but maybe there's a small boundary you could put in place to start? Like waiting to reply to his texts or calls? Maybe 30 minutes? Even 10 minutes helps build a pause. In that time you could ground yourself to gain some control over your emotions, so you can respond rather than react? 
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