TW : assault by brother

This is only my 2nd time ever telling this story. I've never actually told anyone I know personally, including my therapists. It's hard to talk about because I find it so disgusting. I feel ashamed.

Let's dive in ~

From a very young age, about 6-7, I remember my brother trying to do things with me and my friend. He is 2 years older than me. He would look through my window when we were changing and at one point he convinced us to give him oral sex (before I even knew what that was). There was a few occasions he would just make me get naked and we would play normally or sometimes dance together. I didn't even know it was wrong at the time. This all continued until about the age of 11. There was a single incident when I was 10 that he penetrated me. I didn't know what it was until he asked me if I ever had my period before. Then I realized it was sex. I did not immediately feel shameful or disgusted because I did not understand. But around that time I started to kind of enjoy the attention I think. I remember only one incident specifically when I was kind of "flirting" and trying to get him to unbutton my pants.

And for that reason, I have always been conflicted. Is this assault? Is this rape? Or is it incest?

I was told previously that because I didn't know what was happening, that it was rape.

The concept overall is extremely hard for me to process, especially being in our 20s now and trying to have a normal sibling relationship.