TW: molested when i was 5

I have been working with my therapist with a strange memory i've always had. I was never sure if it was a dream or a memory but it feels like a real memory. With more therapy, we determined that it did, in fact happen. I remember a man, i can't see his face, putting his hand up my skirt and making me sit on his lap with his genitals out. Whenever i am reminded of it, i get disgusting physical flashbacks like it's happening all over again and i feel like i cannot breathe, my breath catches. I was also in an online child pornography trafficking ring for 3 years from 11-13, probably due to the things that man did to me. Later in life, in 8th grade, an old man would follow me around every day and touch himself in front of me in public. I feel guilty, because none of this never would have happened if that disgusting man didnt touch me when i was 5 years old. I can never escape my past. I want closure so bad. I was never sure if it counts as molestation or rape because he never put his genitals inside me, so i call it "molestation." Also calling myself a rape victim would make me feel gross