Tormented/ can't sleep ( TW)
I cannot sleep , ugh my assault keeps replaying in my head , I thought I was past this after the last few years of therapy. Apparently I'm to be tortured some more. I have a recurrent injury related to the situation and it's not helping me to put this soul breaking situation behind me. The pain of this injury is like a reminder and I don't know how to associate this injury in some other way so it doesn't remind me. Why does the perpetrator get to keep living normally when I'm still suffering years after from what he did?! . I wish I could cut this horrid experience out of my memory. I have alot of other abuses I've dealt with but this one tortures me the most.
ABB 💜
I'm really sorry you're enduring this. I have no advice. All I can say is that I absolutely get it. I have several chronic conditions as a result of my abuse including a traumatic brain injury and a leg injury that causes me chronic pain to this day. My body is covered with scars and my wrist has a brand on it that I attempted to burn over as a teenager.
I don't mean to trauma dump all over you! Haha. But I guess what I'm getting at is, I just want you to know you're not alone. When we bear the physical reminders as well as the mental reminders, they mix together into one big slurry of traumaland horror house disgusto factory, to the point that it's hard to breathe, sometimes.
But you're still here, too. Maybe they get to live their lives, maybe not, but your life is the most important life in your life. They don't get to take that from you, that is yours, always.
Peace and light to you. ❤️
@sharkradio
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your words of kindness. I'm sorry you suffer also. Some days the pain and sadness overwhelms.
ABB 💜
Hang in there - you're so resilient to have even got this far, and you will weather the storm, I'm absolutely convinced of it. You're so brave, not only to be here, sharing (and caring as you do so much), and although lack of sleep is really tough, together with the traumatic impact the whole situation is having on you, you will come through this.
Try to read, to listen to music, to watch TV, to try some mindfulness apps, anything that occupies your mind so it doesn't have the time to think back to the trauma you suffered. It really doesn't matter what you do, but do your best to have something that makes you think, that gives you some auditory stimulation, that redirects your thoughts. Follow the artist Charlie Mackesy on Twitter - his pictures are so soothing, they often make me smile, even in the darkest time (especially those that mention cake!).
And above all, reach out, continue to reach out, to talk with us, to engage even when you're feeling low. You will come through this. You're like a willow tree that's bending over because of the strong winds - you will rise again strong as before when the wind dies down. Yes - when, not if. The winds will die down and soon you'll forget that they were as strong as they feel right now.
With all my best wishes for sleep and calm to find you.
Hugs, 🤗
Grits
@Grits1910
Thank you so much for your support and suggestions it means alot. It's so good for me when ppl here reach out to me. I don't feel so alone.
I did put an auditory distraction on my Kindle to sooth myself to sleep. I woke up with an anxious jump early in the morning but at least I slept some.
It's the ups and downs of the PTSD I have. I feel better now and really proud of myself for not medicating!
I gave up anti anxiety meds. Just taking an antidepressant to keep me from self harming. I feel like that's progress in some way.
Some day I hope to be able to write my story . It's difficult to tell and harder to hear. I can't handle judgement from ppl who have no idea what this is like.
Thank you grits for being here for me.
I hope your holding up well , your an inspiration for me.
ABB💜