Trust.
My husband assaulted me while I was asleep. I take sleeping medicine. I woke during the assault. He knew I was asleep and was living out a fantasy he had. I feel so violated. I thought I could trust him. I thought he at the very least respected me. It's heartbreaking. The one person that has been a constant rock in my life since I was 16 slapped me in the face. Now I have no one that I can truly trust. I think abut leaving him. Most days I hate him. But we have children and I am a SAHM with no income. And..even after what he did I still love him. Just writing this out is making me feel better. I haven't told anyone. Not a soul. I'm afraid of being judged.
@Becca1991 No one will judge you for this-- any of this-- here on 7 Cups. You have been unfairly put into a situation in which you were betrayed in an extremely vile way by someone who cares very little about respecting you in comparison to his own sexual desires. What you have experienced is an emotional and physical rape. And an utter betrayal from someone who partnered with you so that you could care for, support, and cherish one another, and create a solid, loving family. He threw that away for a fleeting moment of excitement, and has potentially ruined your partnership forever.
You could decide to report the asault/rape or not. You could decide to remain with this man, or not. You could decide therapy of whatever kind will be helpful, or not. All of these choices, as well as countless others, are YOUR decision to make. Don't let anyone sway you and try to convince you that one course of action is better than another. I suspect I know what my reaction to this situation would be for ME (which involves a sharp object and parts of the male anatomy my "partner" would be loathe to lose-- not that I am advocating this solution for you!). But the choices I make for myself might not be the correct ones for anyone else.
However you decide to proceed in this siruation, no one here is going to judge you-- that fact is important enough to bear repeating. But, what I do hope you keep in mind is to demand respect from those who have made a promise to respect you, and put what is best for yourself and your children ahead of all other considerations.
Good luck, honey, and let us know how we can help you along the way of working out your life challenges at this time. Sending you as many positive thoughts as I can! <3
@Becca1991 I am so sorry that this has happened to you. You do not deserve this. Regardless of how you choose to handle it no one can judge you. Please reach out more if you need to and hang in there!