Was it rape, or is it regret?
Out with my boyfriend at the time and his best friend from interstate who I'd not met before. He hooks up with a girl and we all go back to my bfs place. I'm very drunk at this stage, so is the other girl. I don't even know how we got back to the house.
All I remember of the night, is my bf telling me that the other girl is useless and to go help his friend out, then I remember the friend having sex with me. Next thing I remember is they're both having sex with me (dp) which I've never done before and still feel gross about.
Next morning I wake up naked, sore and with my bf telling me I need to go home now, they have things to do.
Had to get it off my chest. Part of me says it's my fault, I was drunk but remember it, so that means I could have said no, and the other part of me says that I was way too drunk to consent, and would not have done it if I was any more sober than I was.
This has now been on my mind all night. Maybe it was a Pandora's box I shouldn't have opened!
I'm also remembering a couple more bits. The other girl, she ran out crying at one point. I've no idea what happened or where she went.
The next morning when I woke up and wasn't happy, bf said something along the lines of "don't act like the crazy bitch did last night"
Should probably add that this happened over ten years ago. It's recently surfaced after some work on an unrelated issue with a therapist.
Hi,
I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you were too drunk to consent, especially if you don't remeber parts of the night.
I have struggled with the "rape or regret" thing myself. For years I just thought it was regret but as I've gotten older I've realised it was defiantly rape. There's this strange thing that a certain part of society instills in women that, soemtimes, leads us to belive we are at fault because the encounter/situation that occurs doesn't fit the "obvious rape" box.
It's taken me a long time to realise all this for myself Nd I'm still struggling with it. But I trust my memory and i know what is right and wrong. So my advise would be to trust yourself and alow yourself to belive your gut feeling.
Hope you manage to work through this. All the best.
@politeLychee4923 What @orangeShip3946 said is right. Without consent, by law and by basic human decency, no one should do anything to you no matter how the situation might be. It's not your fault that you were taken advantage of when you were drunk. Listen to your feelings - what you're feeling now and after the incident is completely valid. Don't dismiss them because they don't fit into a particular box that encompasses the definition of 'rape'. You got this, my PMs are always open if you need someone to vent to or to just guide you in figuring things out <3