Why am I so affected?
Hey guys, first post. really nervous as i never tell anyone anything personal. I was molested by my dad since I was a toddler (i'm 14 now) and a teacher for 2 years. I keep reliving some of the incidents, having nightmares about them and worse, and cannot for the life of me cope with it. I was doing ok until about a month and a half ago when i finally cracked and told my school counselor. Ever since then i've had even more severe anxiety, depression, all the flashbacks etc, and i've been self harming. everything is just getting worse and it all started when i told her about a month and a half ago. i've pretty much always had anxiety and depression, among other stuff, but its escalating at an alarming rate. Now i freak out if i'm in crowds or even just around men. I have panic attacks a lot too. If i keep this up i'm going to seriously hurt myself and also others around me. my grades are slipping and am having a really hard time keeping up (i'm usually an A+ student so it's just adding to all the anxiety and whatnot). I don't know what to do anymore. all of the coping methods and ways to avoid self harm and deal with my panic attacks/anxiety/flashbacks aren't helping. I'm so scared. I don't get why this bothers me so much and so suddenly. i've been for the most part unaffected by it for all these years and now almost instantaneously its ruining my life. Besides, others go through so much worse, i always feel so bad for letting this get to me when this is nothing in comparison.
@MochaFrappuccino22 Hi Mocha. I'm not a counselor or therapist. I just happened by and saw your post and saw that nobody had responded yet. My younger sister went through the same thing, and your feelings are completely normal. Don't feel bad that you feel bad, and don't compare yourself to others. What has happened to you is terrible, and it should not be minimized. I have a couple of things you can check out. https://www.rainn.org/ is an organization which can help you right now. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). Please know that people care, I care, and that there is help for you. You are not alone. Ever. Take care of yourself, and give these people a call. Do it now. Finally, know that you matter. I wish you the best Mocha.
Good morning Mocha. I'm also an abuse survivor, however, mine was physical from my father and an older brother. One thing that changed my life was the epiphany I had when I realized that I had done nothing wrong, even though I was constantly told I deserved beatings. But I wasn't to blame for any of the abuse; they were. No child deserves what happened to me and nobody deserves what has happened to you. You are a good person who deserves a better life than what you've had. You are amazing! In the face of horrible conditions and abuse you have maintained your dignity and succeeded in life, especially at school. You have wisdom beyond your years and have realized that what has happened is wrong and that you have reached out for help. Great job! Keep it up; keep coming here, keep reaching out to your counselor, and call the number I gave you. Hopefully, you have done that already. Stay safe and strong.
