You don't have to let your past dictate your future

I was sexually and physically abused as a young child. After it was discovered, I was taken away from my abuser and placed in foster care. One night while my Foster parents were out one of the sitters came into my bedroom and started to touch me and ask me questions about how my former abuser touched me. He told me that he would give me candy, so I thought it was okay for this stranger to touch me that night. While in elementary school, I would have "touching" relationships with other kids. I was adopted by a wonderful couple at age 10. I had therapy on and off for about 4 years. In middle school I started to see guys on a one on one basis but never had sex with them. After finding Christianity and devoting myself to being pure till marriage, I kept my virginity till I was 20 years old. I finally gave into the pressure of my boyfriend and became sexually active. After we broke up, I felt like a guy would only want to be with me if I would give it up to him. I had lost respect for myself and my body. I didn't realize then that I didn't need to be sexually active to be with the right guy. The next guy I dated got me pregnant and as soon as he found out hit the road. Out of love, I gave my first child up for adoption to a wonderful couple who I still keep in contact with. I wasn't in a position to raise a child on my own. I gave sex a break and then got involved with a man who was very experimentalwithit. But it wasn't a healthy relationship because he was in love with his ex-wife still. But I met my husband through this guy and got married about a year and a half later. I've done a lot of growing over the years. I've discovered that I don't need sex to keep a man. I feel like I acted the way I did because of my sexual abuse history. It was my way of making a connection with men. I was a fighter. I wasn't about to let my past dictate my future. I've never wanted to abuse my own kids, I never wanted to get involved in drugs or alcohol. I wanted to be better. What happened to me was horrible as a child but I learned to forgive and move forward. Forgiveness wasn't easy but necessary.